Sunday, December 30, 2007

New Year, New Plans, New Targets

I’m here in our house, alone. My Mom, sis and her girlfriend went to my brother’s house in celebration of leap of year. I preferred not to come as I have my period and fuckin’ cramps that’s making me feel immobile and unsociable at the moment. After moving out from my boarding house at San Andres, I’ve never been this serene. This kind of moment, facing to my laptop, blogging my whims.

After working for months to my new second home, I can say that I finally adjusted to this kind of job. Dealing with different kinds of people. Testing your patience. Working in an environment where you need to wear a mask. Not just one, but a variety of it. In this career, you will find yourself awarded, appraised and deceived. In time, you will learn how to play the game and go along with these strangers. No friendship to treasure. No room for procrastination. You need to be active all the time. Smart and warm when talking to clients. Tough, wise and sassy when coordinating to bitches of that fucking support group. The only perks in working here are the benefits that this multi-million company will give you and SECURITY in life that this robust company will provide you.

Anyways, I enjoy working here because I never felt this busy before and I love dealing with clients.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Reborn

New environment, new people, new work, new place…everything leads to loneliness. I started last Monday (September 3, 2007) to my new work in Cubao. I had a hard time adjusting to my new working place. Aside from being far to my boarding house, the type of transportation I took was a pain in ass. Here’s my new routine. I will wake up at 6am, prepare and leave at 7:15am. At Guadalupe Ilalim, I will walk in the circular sidewalk going to MRT station. Fall in line to the entrance for bag inspection and run to the rear for the women’s section. It will only take me 20 mins to get to Cubao station. Buy a doughnut and start walking 1km from the station to our office while grabbing a bite per step. Ho-hum. Tedious isn’t it? But then, I wasn’t bothered by the pain it was giving me instead I offer every step I take to my love ones and especially to the One Above who gave me another chance.

The days passed were so boring. I don’t have workstation yet. I haven’t enrolled yet. So I was just staring at them while they were so busy with their work but as they told me, they also experienced what I am experiencing now. One of them even told me that it took him four days gaping at his colleagues, doing nothing. The work is fine. Easy as I can see.

What’s making me so lonely is having been apart from my behalf. Being far from him tears my heart. Last night I cried missing him a lot. Hindi ako sanay na mawalay ng matagal sa kanya. Even a day. We’ve been together for four years and three months since we work at MRM. At biglang magkakahiwalay na lang because of my moved from work. Di ko talaga kaya. Nasanay ako na kasama sya lagi. Everyday that God made, we’re together. Pagpasok sa office, lunch break, snack break at pag-uwi. Namimiss ko yung naglalakad kami sa Makati Ave. dalawa habang nag-aasaran. Sabay kakain tas ihahatid nya ako dito sa house. Minsan tumatambay pa sya ditto para makipagkwentuhan pa sa akin. Namimiss ko yun ng sobra. 2 days pa lang pero sobrang namimiss ko. Di ko talaga kaya malayo sa mahal ko. Naiisip ko tuloy, what if I ask him to marry me. Ako na yung magtatanong o magpropropose para magkasama na kami lagi. Wala na talagang iwanan. But I know he has his own dreams that he wants to achieve and I have a responsibility with my Mom and sister. Pero sobrang nalulungkot ako. Hindi ko kaya yung kalungkutan. Kanina sa jeep pauwi, nadaaanan ko yung place na lagi naming pinagaabangan ng jeep pauwi. Corner Makati Ave. J. P. Rizal. Dun sa kanto na yun lagi kami nagaasaran. Sampalan, kurutan, tulakan. Nung dumaan yung jeep na sinasakyan ko kanina, di napigilang tumulo ng luha ko. Until now while doing this journal, I can’t stop my tears from falling. I miss him so much. We keep on texting each other. Updating each other. Pero iba pa rin yung kasama mo sya. Nafifeel mo yung care and love nya. Haaayy. Sabi ng kuya Michael ko “Insan isipin mong magbuti ang pag-aasawa. Hindi pwedeng isoli yan. Make sure na sya na talaga”. When I read his text message, I just thought, he’s really the one. I want to marry him and be with him for the rest of my life. 

Last night nandito sya. Umiyak ako ng todo sa kanya. Hagulgol ako ng todo. Sobrang namiss ko sya but we need to be tough. Pagsubok lang yan. Kakayanin namin to. Pasasaan ba’t magiging maligaya din kaming dalawa with our love ones.

He’s on his way to UST hospital now. He will visit Tita. Nagpaconfine daw kasi nahihilo at mababa ang BP. Gusto ko sana sya samahan. Gusto ko din dumalaw kaso I have work tomorrow. I need to sleep early to be able to regain from the past nights’ lack of sleep. I think I should just end this and prepare for sleep. Pray for our safetiness and for my peace of mind. =)

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Step Forward

I just made a tough decision in my life. It made me think for months and finally, I made up my mind. The dark clouds that covering the path that I should be walking, at long last, vanished. I can see the track clearly now. The fears that I were holding, plainly melted. The questions were answered. Oh god, what took me so long to settle?

I need to move out. I need some changes. I need to have goals in life. Yes, I’ve been working for four years, and just working for nothing. I don’t have destinations. I work today to be able to survive tomorrow. Tsk. I wasn’t aware that there’s a great life waiting for me outside that box. I was succumbed by the short-term happiness that it was giving me. The leisure at work that I could never get to others. Time is running. I need to run fast before it caught me. I just knew there are plenty of fishes in the shore. I need to taste all of them. Not just be contented of what I got. Life is short so I will live it to the fullest. Make the most out of it. Remove the fears and venture to something what you feel suits you. Leave the past behind and step into the new world that’s waiting for you with a smile.

I’d just like to thank that person who enlightened me. Thanks for making me tough. Thanks for making me decide. Thanks for bringing me down. It just made me strong. I don’t want to hold grudges before I leave instead I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you were not an asshole to me, I guess I wouldn’t know the true meaning of life. Living in peace, serenity, bliss and security. If you weren’t a cocky, I will just stick myself into that small fucking cubicle and day-dream. So, thank you.

Time to step forward.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

10th Monthsary

I was surprised by a bouquet of flowers sited on my table this morning when I stormed into the office. The first time I received a bouquet from my behalf. It’s the 10th month of our relationship. I ran to him and hugged him. I wasn’t expecting that. In return, I sent an ecard to him with these words:

“Beh, I don’t like the feeling when we are walking holding hands with some people staring us. You know why? Because they go GREEN WITH ENVY. I just want to tell them: Sorry, he’s already mine.”

We were so sweet the whole day. That’s the good thing of sharing your inner feelings to your behalf. The love inside of us grows stronger.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

petiks

Haven't wrote anything for a couple of weeks. Been busy with work and stuff and...weeee...I'm one of the owners of laptop now!!! I just bought a 10-month-used DELL Inspiron 600m laptop last Saturday. Me and the boyfriend pushed to SM Megamall to pick-up this thingy. The unit is in very good condition and the specs? Don't dare me. Haha! Pentium 4 processor in 1.3 Ghz speed with 512MB of RAM. DVD/CD RW combo. 40GB HDD. WIFI ready. San ka pa? :P

The boyfriend warned me as he's getting jealous with it. Haha! He said, sooner or later it will get my full attention and I will surely snob him when he's in my place. :D

And today, I've been surprised by a bouquet of flowers sited on my table. His present in celebration of our 10th monthsary. I kidded him "Kulang na lang sash at stand ah." Haha! Love this man. Yihee!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

SERENITY

I was down last night and due to intolerable heartache that I was feeling, I initiate the settlement of the problem. I texted him. “Still awake? I can’t sleep. I will not let end another night troubled. Why are these things happening to us? I’m too weak to face it. My heart is pounding and I feel so disturbed. I’m still hanging.” After a couple of seconds, he called. I can’t control my emotion so I cried a lot on the phone. He insisted to come over my place and talk.

After 20 minutes, he was knocking on my door. I hugged him tight and cried to him and softly whisper to him “Bati na tayo ha.” then sob and sob. Ahihihi. I’m so childish. But he love it. =)

Then this morning, Paul woke me up. At first, he asked if I will come with him in the grocery. I won’t as I already bought my shampoo, conditioner and stuff. Then he went down. And he came back banging on my door… “Eya buksan mo tong pinto! Kailangan kong makita yung laptop mo.” Hahaha. So I yanked the door open to let him in and gave the laptop to him.

We went down. Grabbed a bite of his tuna sandwich, smoked and went out to Puregold. It took us 2 hours in buying. Grr. He’s so picky. There’s this incident that he asked for assistance of all the staffs just for the stock of a big size conditioner. Pft.

When we got back to the house, I cleaned my room, brought my used clothes to laundry shop, refilled my water and ate to Akiks. As I got back in the house, Tito Jer asked me where have I gone and told me that he was looking for me for lunch. Hehe.

Then I brought down part of my laundry and washed it.

I finished at around 3:30 PM and took a rest.

My bebeh texted me at around 4PM and invited me on a dinner.

I heard the mass at Sta. Ana church and dine with him after the ceremony.

That’s for today. I almost lost him. I thought it’s the end of my love story but God cleared my mind and helped us get over the problem. =)

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Is it the end of an era?

Here’s another story of my life that I felt hanging.

I woke up early this morning forgotten the angst I had the other night. He went to his choir friends last night and went home almost too late. I didn’t argue with him coz it will also pass. Okay. The next morning, as I open my eyes, I hastily yanked my cellphone and checked for his msgs. And I was never wrong; in fact he was calling me. I was about to answer him but the ringing stopped so I just replied to his txt msg. So the issue last night was over. I told him that I’m okay and we will go out at around 2PM to fetch this thingy. Yeah. I just bought this laptop from a nice woman and I’m so lucky to buy it at a very cheap price. Everything went well. We saw this book stand in the mall that was on sale. I persuaded him to buy me a book using my charm. (As I’m always doing.) And yes, everything was okay. We went home very excited with my new laptop.

At home, he checked the unit and pause a little to rest before have our dinner. We were lying on bed while I was reading the book he bought to him. Then suddenly he brought up a topic. He remembered the letter he saw in my bag last Friday while he was searching for my stolen money. I didn’t expect that he will sneakily read it. Then he asked me what it is all about. He pushed me to tell the truth; well the truth is I wrote it for him few days ago. It’s all about my feeling of being neglected. The sweetness he had with me in the youth of our relationship. The sweetness I’m longing. The sentiments of a woman to his man. In ten months of our relationship, I never received a single rose from him. The act of sweetness of a man to his woman. Well, let’s say that he’s really not that type and I should accept him as he is. I shouldn’t change him that’s why that letter didn’t reach him. But he pushed me to tell what‘s in the letter. He brought it up. And my feeling turned back. I brought back the past. The instance I saw him with full of joy in his eyes when he saw that shop where he bought his present for his ex. The joy I never saw to him in our ten months of relationship. I felt bitter. Yes I did. That’s why these words spilled out to my tongue. “Do you really love me or you just love the idea of me?” He blew to madness. He punched the walls and the door and yell outside my room. I pulled him inside to avoid scandal. But he was pushing me away. He held my arms and hardly punches to his head. Ho-hum. He’s hurting me. He went out and wore his shoes. I thought he will leave so I shut the door and turned off the light. He opened it using his duplicate key and confronted me. Are we not going to eat? (Um…I thought you will going to leave.) I didn’t answer nor move. He sat and talk and talk and talk. Blah blah blah. Then the last piece of patience in me broke up. I shouted at him. Then he left, leaving these final words; “We will never get over this thing. We will never understand each other. You’re expecting too much from me which I think I can no longer give. I better leave before I can do anything that I’ll regret.”

I thought it was over. I cannot believe. I felt numb. Is it really over? Did he make his final decision? I went out to buy food with thoughts hanging in my head. I went to Tito Jer and burst out in crying. I lost my appetite. I cannot eat. I want to think. I want to know the real score. Is it really over? So I texted him. “I’m not expecting anything from you. If you insist that you will never reach my expectations, then I’m sorry. It’s your decision.” He called out and we spoke but he was still crying and shouting to madness. I told him to cool down and so he was to me. We ended up hanging. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Hope everything will be settled. I will sleep now with disturbing thoughts. Wish me good luck.

Monday, June 25, 2007

habol sa summer

Last weekend, we went on outing at Laiya Batangas with the boyfriend's friends. (Sabit lang ako :P) The trip took almost 4 hours and when we're on the road, we saw eerie, gruesome vehicular accidents. A wrecked jeepney bumped by a rusty truck. I don't know if there's any one that got hurt but the most frightful scene we encountered, and probably the most morbid scene I saw in my whole life, right in front of my very eyes the corpse of a man in his motorcycle with head crashed by a heavy vehicle and part of his brain scattered on the road. Argh. I almost blew after seeing it. I was in shock for about 15 mins then prayed for the dead man's soul and for our safety.

Anyway, we reached the resort safe and on the right time. Lunch time! Hehe. We hastily dropped our things in the room and fell in line at the buffet. Took a short rest and explore the place. Actually, it's a beach and pool resort as what I was expecting. There were hot gals wandering around and apparently our boys' eyes were enjoying the scene. Bleh. His friends are cool. I didn't get a hard time hanging with them. They were warm and friendly. At syempre, di mawawala ang kadramahan naming dalawa. We went over an argument. O di ba?! Umeksena pa kaming dalawa. I-spoil daw ang outing ng barkada. We were like statues in the swing for a couple of minutes. Some of his friends passed us by and persuaded us to swim but we didn't bother to move. We just stayed there and spoke nothing. At eto pa, Rona took us a pic. We're both at the end of the swing and awkwardly smiled. Haha! Ampf ang drama! I felt a bit of a shame and talked to him to settle things. And when it was getting darker as the night bit, we joined them holding hands. Haha! Ampf talaga!

At syempre, moments na naman yun. We spent the night together. Yihee...though, there were still few dramatic moments. Wahehe. Drama princess ito e.

His friends don't love camera. They were quite shy...just take a look at our tons of photos in my friendster. Hehe. Starting in the morning before leaving, they started taking pics. Inside the van. Upon arriving at the resort. Inside the room. At the beach. At the pool. While singing and dancing. They really don't like posing and being captured. Hehehe.

I really enjoyed their company. :)

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

San ka pa?!

How do I spell my last week's ramblings? T-I-R-I-N-G. My last week's activities were pretty exhausting but the reward I gained really paid the price. Sometimes you need to stretch a little bit to get what you desire instead of pigging out in your stamping ground. Expose yourself to society and learn more. Hmn. Did I socialize? I don't think so. Haha! At least I experienced dining and roaming in high class restaurants and places. Be with elites in high society. Nuh..I don't feel like pretending rich but I basked in gaping these busy, full-bodied fellas. That opportunity is very seldom so I grabbed and enjoyed it to the fullest. Bah! You're eating high-class food while earning. San ka pa? Nevertheless, you will die to boredom. Pft. Anyhow, me and the sister benefit here. O di ba? Hinatak ko pa kapatid ko. And she already brought the bacon home.

I'm disposing my old Nokia 6600 and planning to get an SE handset or if I will get the boyfriend's benevolence with my battling eyelashes and charm, I might get an O2 XDA Mini. Wahaha! Goodluck!

This is what I'm dreaming of. The smallest PDA phone in the market. Runs on the Intel PXA 272 416 MHz processor, and is powered by the second edition of MS Windows Mobile 2003 Pocket PC Phone OS. So tools and applications like Word, Excel, Outlook®, Internet Explorer, PowerPoint® and PDF viewer will always be readily available at your fingertips, enabling you to work and play efficiently wherever you may be.

This thingy is really expensive so I shouldn't be choosy. Second hand used is okay with me. In fact, I'm looking in Buy and Sell and found some of it at very cheap price but I'm not sure with the condition of the handheld. I came across with ruined-like casing but as the owner fend, its casing is available in the market and there's a variety of choices.

Hmn looks like I need more money for this one. Beh gusto ko nito!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Buy and Sell Philippines




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If you wanna have a new collection, try this one. ;)

Monday, June 04, 2007

WTF!

You know nothing about me. We're just colleagues, working in the same company, under the same department and we share nothing aside from that. Guess you don't have the right to tell me that I've changed. Besides, think of it... don't I have the right to tell, you're unprofessional? We're both doing our duties and responsibilities. You made a commitment with me, so you should be responsible for that. Procrastinating is, yes, a sin. To our job! For Christ's sake!

I've been emotionally high this day. My Mom broke my heart as I phoned her. *sigh* I can do nothing about that. Ang hirap maging mahirap! I wanted to giver her all the wealth but I, myself, cannot feel the security in life. I got a job but it's not enough to pay the bills. When can I say these lines to the world..."Hey! I got not only a job but a CAREER and I just bought my Mom a house. I'm settling down and moving to a new comfy house and guess what...I'm sending my nephew and niece to college." Haayy...Ang sarap mangarap. Ang sarap tumulong pero kahit sarili ko nga di ko matulungan. If only I have money to send my nephew and niece to college, I will. If only I have the guts to work outside the country and seek for fortune. Haayy Fortunato nasan ka na?!

Real Girl
mutya buena

If I had one chance to
In my life again
I wouldn't make no changes
Now or way back when (yeah)
And if everything turns out
The way I hope it goes
But I cant wait to find out
What it is that God knows

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

And nothing's ever perfect
There's no guarantee
And if I knew the answers
It would put my mind at ease (no)
So I'll just keep on going
The way I've gone so far
And maybe I'll end up
Tryin' to catch a fallin star (yeah)

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

Baby this is who I am
Don't need you to understand
'Cause everything is right where it should be
It wont be long til you know about me,
'Cause I don't give a...
Even when I'm out of love
'Cause everythings just how it should be
And it wont be long till you know about me

Thursday, May 31, 2007

love myself...

Well, I think it's about time for me to look after myself? I mean my health (am I healthy?), my personality (do I look good, not only to the eyes of my boyfriend), my well-being, my quality of life my satisfaction, my delight, my spirit. All of that, which I think I've neglected due to this fucking work-for-a-living dilemma.

I'm feeling pains all over my body, I want to see a doctor to answer tons of questions circling in my mind. I feel pain at my back bone and my nape's often killing me when I get up from bed in the morning. My face's sagging. I have big, dark eye bags that making me look like Morticia of Adam's family and pimples. Argh. Hate it. Pft.

So......to get over from these unpleasant things. I should:

  1. stop smoking (and I just started now)
  2. eat right (avoid skipping meals)
  3. drink milk (I already bought 1 box of Anlene milk)
  4. sleep early, sleep 8 hours a day.
  5. exercise
  6. maintain my facial rituals
  7. To enrich my well-being, i should give quality time to myself. I missed watching movies at home.
  8. and to make my soul, body and mind complete... always attend the Sunday mass and spare some time reading passages from the Bible.
Hmn. Hope I can do all of these.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

hello?!

I have no interest of what you are going to get to satisfy your contentment in your own fucking business. It will not give me richness nor protection to my welfare. I'm happy with what I'm getting and trying to be contented of what life brings to me. I will not sacrifice my dignity in exchange to your fucking cents. So please, DON'T DRAG ME TO YOUR greediness.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Love? Think I got one.

8 months of passion without ecstatic shags!

Yeah, it's the 8th month since I got someone who dragged me to blissfulness, showed me the true meaning of life, offered his unconditional love and unaccountable sacrifices. Am I not thankful for that one? You can take everything from me but I will shed blood on my hands if you took the love I'm taking care of away from me.

I cannot say we're perfect as we have flaws in our relationship. We argue over petty things. Lies (specially on my side :D) are not new to us just to protect the tie. Good thing is, we never let every single fight pass the day without making up and apologizing to one another. We keep secrets to one another as we respect one's opinion as long as it doesn't affect the good flow of the relationship. We believe in each other. We trust each other and as might be expected, we love each other.

Good thing I got love and I'll work to make it last.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Dig it!

My mind's crammed with thinkings dissembling my self-esteem. I feel numb. I'm immune to the system. My mind's no longer functioning. What will be the next move? Will I continue to contend my opinions, suggestions, beliefs? I once felt lost but there's someone beside me that's keep on holding me up. "Don't think that you're alone. You're fight is my fight. Be with me and trust in Him". I lay everything in Him. "Dear Lord, You built this body and You're the only One who can bring it down. I trust my life in you".

He freed me with tangled thinkings. I opened my mind as well as my heart. I set my mind. You can't always get what you want. Yeah, right! Last day I came across with a colleague's blog and read her post which I can relate, that's why this song's always playing to my music player.

And I went down to the demonstration

To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse"

Sing it to me now...

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want

But if you try sometimes
well you just might find

You get what you need

You can't always get what you want even if you tried hard. I once proven it. I grew up in a belief that I can always get what I want. I worked with it. I played with it. I lived with it. But it vanished. It's like there's a small voice whispering at the back of my ear, "hey wake up! accept it! live with it! face the reality!" Even you sacrifice your own happiness, security and dignity. There's always a fight that you never win nor lose but you acquired something that will help you in a living and you will start to move on.


And now, I'm dealing with it but I will no longer let my happiness devour. Think smart and move fast.


And so much of that. While we were surfing with the vintage Nintendo games last night coz me and the boyfriend had a deal with the title of the old Nintendo game that can have 100 lives by pressing the combination of the controls, I came up with this lingeries that's pretty hot. Check it out!

Guys, if you ever find a girl wearing this, marry her!

Monday, May 14, 2007

I miss my Daddy

When I heard this song...it shot me to the heart. I really miss my Daddy. How I wish he's here, caring us, comforting us, LECTURING me and loving us. Ho-hum...






I remember

When you used to take me on a bike ride every day on the bayou
(Remember that? We were inseparable?)
And I remember when you could do no wrong
You come home from work
And I jump in your arms when I saw you
(I was so excited)
I was so happy
(So happy to see you so happy to see you)
To see you
Ooh

Because you loved me
I overcome
And I'm so proud of what you've become
You've given me such security
No matter what mistakes I make you're there for me
You cure my disappointments and u heal my pain
You understood my biz and you protected me
I treasure every year in place a comemory
And thats why I want my unborn son
To be like my daddy
I want my husband to be like my daddy
There is no one else like my daddy
And I thank you for lovin me
(daddy daddy daddy)

I still remember the expression your face when you found out
I'd been on a date and had a boyfriend
(my first boyfriend, you shoulda seen your face)
I still remember I called you cryin
cuz of my tattoo coulda said "Beyonc I told Ya"
So instead you said you'd get one too
(You and my momma said yall'd get one just like mine)
Words cant express my boundless gratitude for you
I appreciate what you do oh
You've given me tight security
No matter what mistakes I know you're there for me
Cute my disappointments and heal my pain
You understood by biz and you protected me
I treasure every extraordinary memory
that's why

I want my unborn son
To be like my daddy
I want my husband to be like my daddy
There is no one else like my daddy
And I thank you (thank you) for lovin me

Even if a man broke my heart today
No matter how much pain I'm in I would be ok
Cuz I got a man in my life that can't be replaced
His love is unconditional
It won't go away
And I know I'm lucky (lucky)
Know it aint easy
Men? who take care of their responsibilities
Love is overwhelming
??
Stop a tear from falling
I love you so much daddy

Thank you
You've done so much for me
I love you,
Daddy

I'm so emotional daddy
Every time I think of you
I get emotional daddy
Every time I think of you
There is no one else like my daddy
No one will replace my daddy
Daddy daddy daddy daddy

I really miss you Daddy.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Puerto Invasion

As a reward to ourselves from those long tiring days of work, me and the boyfriend pushed to Puerto Galera, Oriental Mindoro. Weeee. Pity to say but that was our first time to be at the place. We didn't even have any idea how to get there. Poor, innocent fellas. Hehe. I took charge of organizing the journey. I browsed the WWW to look for potential hotels, resorts, and whatever you may call it. Fortunately, I found this Blue Crystal Beach Resort which I guessed was a cool and relaxing place to spend the holiday.

We left the city in a bus at around 7AM bound to Batangas Pier. We brought all necessary thingy like medicines, alcohol, sunblock, music players, digital cameras, water and prepared our food for the long trip. We brought sandwiches with us which we both prepared at their house the night before we left.

After two and half hours we had our feet at the port of Batangas City and we looked like dumbass peasants storming at the entryway of the piled ticket booths. We bought the tickets costing us PHP 360. Fuck the lady at the booth giving us the wrong gate number. We fought the big crowd at Gate 3 just to get to the boarding area when the guard barked on us that the tickets we're holding are for Gate 2. Fuck! I almost lost my arms just to get outside.

That was my first time to ride in a ferry boat and I cursed boarding on it. The improvised platform scared me, I was shaking as I climbed onto it.

We were a bit disappointed when we reached the beach resort. The place's too quiet, peaceful as it was. No white sand, no ladies in two-piece's, the food were so expensive, no banging sound of stereos from bars, no LIFE! Pfft. But the amenities they offered were convincing and paid the price. The suite we got have fridge, aircon, kitchen, vault, tub, TV, comfy bed and cabinets. Not bad.

We just wandered around and feel the soothing place.

The next morning, after breakfast, we went to White Beach and rent a tricycle for PHP 400 back and forth. We had no choice but to bite it kesa naman tumunganga kami maghapon sa suite. Anyhow, we enjoy the ride. The roads were elevated stiff and rocky. Para kaming nasa roller coaster. Hehe.

At the beach, we were eyeing for sexy, voluptuous ladies in bikinis but guess we're expecting too much. Haha. Only one american gal captured the attention of the mass and she suddenly wrapped her body with a towel when she felt the lustful eyes around her, including me. Wahehe.

We wanted to try the banana boat but when these words spilled out from one of the crews ("Okay lang ma'am kahit di kayo marunong lumangoy. May life vest naman po. Kahit una ulo nyo sa tubig, aangat pa din kayo") Watda! No, thanks! But we will surely try it when we go back next year or maybe to Bora. Hehe.

I was so stupid. I didn't bring extra money coz I was relying on ATM. All I know ATMs are accessible everywhere. Ang tanga ko. Nasa probinysa pala kami. At di lang probinsya. Probinsyang probinsya. There's only one ATM in one rural bank at the town and unfortunately it has no power. Argh. So we went really budget that time. No henna, no souvenirs, no lunch. Haha!

And when we reckoned all our expenses and the money left from the boyfriend's wallet, a thousand bill will be left. Hooray! We can order what we want for dinner. Hehe. We filled our tummy with siszzling beef tenderloin steak.

And at our last day, I spoke to the gals at the next door and found out that they were also looking for ATM the other day. They paid the tricycle PHP 1000 just to get to Katiklan. Ang mahal grabe! They also went to White Beach and saw us. And they only came accross of that resort in the internet. Wekwek.

Anyhow, we came back home safe with the memories of that place kept in us.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Hmn...

I forced myself to get up from bed this morning to be able to go to work early. My head was in pain and it was intolerable so I texted the boss if I still need to report early as I plan to work half day. Haven't received any reply from him so I had no choice but to get my ass off the bed. I got a message from him after my bathe

ME: Sir natapos nyo yung JV? Pwede na deliver? Half day sana ako e. Sakit ng ulo ko.

BOSS: Gud am Eya. Inde pa natapos e. Ok lang if you want to work half day. Come in around 2pm. Might be a long night again for us.

ME: Sir pasok na ako. Nakaligo na po ako e. Baka sabihin ni big boss "fail to deliver is a crime". Pft. Deliver ko na lang yung pwede Sir.

BOSS: Mag-half day ka na lang. Anyway hinde pa naman tapos yung JV. Alam ko naman kung gano kahirap magpuyat. Cge na. Mas needed ka later kesa now.

BOSS: Meron ka ba prods to deliver today? Kung meron man, I don't think it would harm us if we deliver it this evening. Rest ka muna for now.

ME: Wala naman Sir. Ok pasok na lang po ako around 1PM. Thanks Sir!

BOSS: Ok. Thanks for the hard work. Tiis lang tayo ulit this year. Meron naman me plan. I just can't divulge everything even kay big boss. Trust me as you did before. Inde ko kayo pababayaan.

BOSS: Pahirapan lang. Hahaha! Temporarily.

ME: Naks parang Metrobank. We're in good hands. Anyway Sir thanks for the patience towards my attitude before. Siguro may kanya-kanya lang tayong concerns. Anyway, I know we can pass this test. Everything will be fixed and the worthy will be rewarded.

BOSS: Really? We can? I don't know. Hahaha! We will if everything goes as I planned. Metrobank? Hmm. Siguro mas bagay kung PSbank. Hahaha!


I didn't get a chance to answer him as I fell asleep quickly. Hmn. With regards to the staffs' passion at work, it's undoubtedly that we will achieve our goal. Plans are good but it will be great if you entrust it to the people in a cycle. A leader is one who KNOWS the way, GOES the way and SHOWS the way. Let your little men know your inner thinkings so they can comprehend to the situation. Maybe the suggestions and opinions that they would lay on your table will be of a big help to your plan.

We trusted you before, now you have our faith. :)

Monday, April 09, 2007

Ayoko naaaaaaaaa!!!!

Nakakabobo, nakakasawa, walang kwenta, walang nangyayari!!!

Ayoko naaaaaa!!!

Why am I stuck in this fucking work routine? I'm fed up of what I've been doin' for the past years. Paulit-ulit! Walang challenge! Nakakabobo!

I lost the wisdom I once holding before and now I'm goddamn bonded with this fucking work! I want to regain the knowledge I lost. If only I have enough money to get a crash course of it, to refresh it, I will. :(

I want a new work environment. Something that will push my mind to think. Sana...sana...matuloy na yun!!!

Back to work!

It's Monday...oh my...and I'm just starting to hate this day! 'Coz most of the people are relaxing in their house, in beaches or somewhere else and just enjoying the long vacation while US are here in the office and fucking working! Well I should say THEM 'coz I don't have that much to do. Ahihihi. The surrounding is as peaceful as it was last Holy Week. No multitude, no scattered vendors on the side streets, no traffic and no goddamned LRT!!! Pakshet! It took me an hour to get to Buendia from Monumento taking only a jeepney. Pfft. I got all the dust and smoke from vehicles and my nape pretty ache badly probably due to exhaustion and hunger. I didn't eat last night and didn't take breakfast this morning. I was in a hurry to get here. When I woke up I idly grabbed my towel and directed to bathroom without any words to my Mom whose naggingly waking me up. I just talked to her after my shower.

My weekend? Too boring. We went to church early Sunday and met my Kuya and Ate there. After the mass, we went back home and I slept. I just got up from bed when I felt the pain in my stomach.

We don't have new DVD movies to watch and no new stories to told so I just persuaded my niece and nephew to sing. Hehe. It was too boring as that! When my Ate and Kuya waved goodbye I started thinking of things that will amuse me. I just phoned the boyfriend. Yesterday was the first day I felt near to him when he was actually far to reach. We kept on checking one another by phoning every hour. "What are you doin? Are you missing me? What did you eat? What do you have for dinner? What's making you busy?" Blah blah blah...And when he came home from church, he called me promptly. Letting me know he's already home. Yiheee!!!

We had a serious discussion regarding my search of a new place. My Mom talked to him and they both agreed to find me a new nesting place. There was this disturbing incident in my boarding house that really freaked him and my Mom. He offered me to stay in their place but it's a no-no so I decided to start looking this weekend. I love my current place but I should consider my safety. I can no longer count it as my refuge for the terror that built to us by that incident was unbearable.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Recharged

After those long and tiring days of work I finally had a decent sleep last night and woke up fully charged. Thanks to Stresstabs, a stress relief multivitamins I took last night, that's making me feel strong today. I feel so recharged. Heee!

Hmn..think I should have a stock of it so I wouldn't looked haggard everytime we're working OVER time.

It's Good Friday today and...yeah...we're still working to finished all pending projects. I should get used of it and besides we still have work on Monday though that day was officially announced by MalacaƱang a NON-WORKING HOLIDAY! Anyway, we'll be paid twice of what we're earning in a day...oh...the staffs we'll be paid double and the officers will be given an allowance which I think is reasonable enough for us to report. Oh my...I'm becoming positive here. Well I guess this blog should obtain words of birds and sunshine not crows and darkness all the time. I just feel relieved of the stress I was for the past days.

As I've said before, we're still the ones who shall be rewarded for all the work sufferings. We will be in a vacation for 1 week, from May 30 to April 4 April 30 to May 4. Yepyep...one week! Oh god I'm so excited of that week to come. We planned to spend it at Puerto Galera. I asked Ben to treat me by shouldering all the expenses. Haha! I should have said this to him "You love me so spend for me". Haha!

Anyway, as I had my way here to the office I noticed the peaceful surrounding. All establishments were closed and you can only see few scattered people. I just thought, people are still spiritually engaged to our traditional way of observing the Lenten season. My heart was smiling as my eyes were enjoying the serenity of the sceneries. This is one of the factors why I'm joyous today.

I will go home to Bulacan tomorrow to be with my family at Easter. No plans for that day. I should just unlax and enjoy the day with them.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Fuck

Sue me for cursing but I will tell this to you, you cannot blame me. It's Holy Thursday but we're fucking working in the office without fucking water, air conditioners and the elevators were fucking down this morning so most of my colleagues used the fucking stairs to get here. Fuck! Ronald tell me, don't I have the right to curse?

Good for me. I came here at around 7AM and never hassled walking on stairs up to the 15th floor. I got here early to upload the files the poor formatters finished from yesterday morning 'til this morning. Hell yeah! They worked 24 hours to meet deadlines. WTF! Where's the justice dear Lord?! Give us the most valid reason why we're killing ourselves working here while others are enjoying their vacation. *deep sigh*

When will this trial (if it is...then maybe this is the toughest trial we underwent) end? We know we can get through with this. We can work this out together. Everything will be back to normal and nobody but US shall reap the rewards.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Pain In Work

I've been working almost four years of my life and yet gain nothing.

When I graduated in college, I stuck myself in our store. I've been busy managing that stall. And I really enjoyed it. Kung hindi pa ako pinagtulakan ng Nanay ko na maghanap ng trabaho at bitawan yung tindahan na yun, hindi ako magbabanat ng buto at magtyatyagang bumili ng Manila Bulletin every Sunday at bilugan ang mga pwedeng applyan. Hunting for a job didn't give me pain. After a month and a couple of weeks, I found this company. Magfofour years na ako dito sa May but when I think of the years I spent in this company...tsk...nothing....I gain nothing. I just met the man who captured my heart...and aside from that....NOTHING.

*sigh* *sigh* *sigh*

If only I knew that it will enslave me, I didn't go to Legaspi Suites, Salcedo Village on May 2, 2003.

Tsk.


I got off AGAIN this morning from work at around 4:30 AM. The whole team had been busy with this goddamn project that we'd been working for months and until now cannot perfect because of this goddamn unholy client that are playing gods and making us slaves. Umuwi akong tumitilaok na yung manok tapos kailangan ko pang pumasok ng alas-onse ng umaga para umattend ng meeting. Pakshet! Gudlak!

Gudlak sa mga taong nagtatrabahong parang kalabaw pero walang napapala. Yung pinaghihirapan nila, pinagtatrabahuhan nila. Sino nakikinabanang? Mga malalaking taong nagpapalaki ng ano nila! Putangina nyo! Mahiya kayo sa balat nyo! Pataasan kayo ng sweldo habang nagpapainit lang kayo ng pwet sa upuan nyo! Buti nga kung umiinit e. E puta bihira mo makita sa upuan nila. Kung hindi nagbreak, naglalamyerda sa labas. Nagmomall during office hours. O di kaya papasok na malapit na uwian tapos pag tinawagan para magpaliwanag kung bakit late ang hinayupak, ang dahilan...sakit ng katawan nya...lahat na ata ng sakit nadahilan. E masasakitin ka palang hayuf ka e di magresign ka na't magstay ka na lang sa bahay! Ang kapal pa ng mukha na magreklamo sa increase nya. E potah ka buti nga naadjust ng ganun kalaki sweldo mo kahit ni-singkong duling wala kang naipasok sa kumpanya na to! Siguro nga dapat manahimik ka na lang sa bahay nyo baka dito ka pa mamatay! Tangina nyo!!!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Scorpio [Element: Water]

I've finished my work, browsed the internet and came up with this:
A Preponderance of the WATER element
A heavy emphasis of Water element signs puts you closely in touch with your feelings, and in tune with the nuances and subtleties in your environment that others won't even notice. You approach life and understand it through your emotions, and you're really at your best when you "play your hunches." You don't intellectualize about things; you respond exactly how you feel. Water sign people are very attuned to their feelings. An intense sensitivity permits you to experience the heights of emotional bliss, but it can also take you to the depth of despair. Close emotional relationships are essential to your well-being and happiness. Superficial affairs are few, and less than satisfying. Romantic, sentimental, and affectionate, there must be a stable and secure bond between you and your partner. When you are happily situated in such a bond, you can be a very nurturing type. You can be "smothering" toward your children, and very possessive of your mate. You are not one who can subscribe to the code "live and let live." You communicate best in non-verbal ways; emotionally, psychically, or through forms as art, dance, music, poetry and photography. You have a natural feel and sense for the arts. You're apt to let the heart rule the head. Highly impractical and impressionable, you sometimes use bad judgment for you are unable to be objective and evaluate situations impersonally. You may change your mind as often as your moods change, but rarely do the facts sway your beliefs.

Water Absence
The absence or limitation of Water signs in your horoscope suggests that you may have difficulty understanding the deeper meanings of events and circumstances. Indeed, you may be a little lacking in emotional intensity. This is not to say that you have no feelings, but it does mean that your emotions are not easily engaged and they really don't run deep. You aren't so apt to form those extremely close friendships and relationships, and you may even feel smothered and threatened by strong emotional demands of others. You recover quickly from emotional bumps and scrapes, never letting your disappointments get you down. Depression is never apt to be a problem. Many of the aspects of not having water signs are positive, but on the negative side, you must guard against becoming rather callous and cold, detached and unfeeling. Intuitive skills are not readily available to those with few planets in Water signs. In your view this does not matter so much, because you don't trust intuitive knowledge anyway.


Yeah, right!

I've been to my hometown this weekend and I just pigged out. I've no control on food if I'm in our house at Bulacan. I frequently open our ref and look for something to eat. Then I finally realized that my belly's getting fatter so I pulled out my twister and started twisting. Tsk. I need to get my figure right. And after sweating a LOT, I grabbed a stick of cigarette and started puffing it. What a healthy exercise! Tsk. I grabbed my towel and directed to the bathroom.

We watched "Night at the Musuem" by Ben Stiller. A funny movie. One of Stiller's good movies. After having the couches pressed by our big fat ass's, we crowded the kitchen and prepared our dinner. We used "Del Monte Chicken Mix", a colleague gave. They were busy following my instructions as I was dictating it. Hekhek.

And when I was settled on bed already on pajama, my mind was engaged with this poem I was creating for my bebeh, our phone rang. Here's my bebeh missing me. Yihee! He just said goodnight and dominated me to go to sleep.

Wait, we finally watched the film 300 last Saturday using the free ticket our boss spared to us. This man is so generous. He often invites us on lunch and it's still fresh on my mind when he offered us a trip to Boracay. Akalain nyo yun! Wish ko lang. Ahihihi.

The movie is awesome. It's full of obscenely ridiculous action sequences that would unhallowed your stomach. With the Spartans' fighting skill it is really possible for 300 versus million.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

They Can't Take That Away From Me

Mmmmh
Whoaaa

They can say,
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over
me,
And they can try
Hard to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all,
But I refuse to falter in what I believe or lose faith in my
dreams

'Cause there's,
There's a light in me,
That shines brightly,
Yes, They can try,
But they can't take that away from me
From me

No no nooo

Oh they,
They can do
Anything they want to you,
If you let them in,
But they won't ever win,
If you cling to you pride, and just push them aside,

See I..
I have learned,
There's an inner peace I own,
Something in my soul that they can not possess
So I won't be afraid and the darkness will fade

'Cause there's,
There's light in me me,
That shines brightly,
Yes, They can try,
But they can't take that away from me

No oh oh,

They can't take this
Precious love I'll always have inside me,
Certainly the Lord will guide me where I need to go

Woah, woah
They can say
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I won't face the ground,
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach,

Although they do try,
Hard to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe or lose faith in my dreams,

'Cause there's a light in me,
That shines brightly
Yes, They can try but they can't take that away from
Me
From me
No no nooo
Me

Monday, February 26, 2007

ho-hum...

As I heard it from someone’s tongue, I felt dreadful as I am. Where will I be in the next couple of weeks? Am I still stuck in this sick world of living and turn back on reality? Or will I voluntarily step out of the cave and venture to the wide ocean? I don’t need sympathy from anyone. All I need is time, to think and move. I’m strong and smart. And I know I can be to better.

Definitely!

I better turn the other cheek and move on.

Okay. How about weekend? I stuck myself in our compound. I and the boyfriend planned to go to theater but we decided to be wise and keep the money to our pockets rather than drop it to the mall’s booths’ growing cash registers. We watched the film “Ghost Rider”, a torrent I downloaded from here, in my room. The copy was a bit dark, blurred and pixilated towards the ending. Hehe. But you can get a clearer copy if you will browse the entire site. Software’s and the site I used came from my friend Ronald.

My Sunday was a long and tiring day. I did the laundry and cleaned my entire room. Oh, there was this show off man in our compound that freaked me out. I was raging to anger when he placed his bike near the table where our breakfast was seated. I asked him with all the patience left in me to turn off his engine so our food won’t get smoked. He didn’t even move and I never heard any words from him. He didn’t even bother to look at me. Ahh. Gusto ng away ha. I yelled at him “Nakakaintindi ka ba ng tagalog? Pwede bang pakipatay na ng motor mo dahil may pagkain kami dito? “. Still no words from him and after a couple of seconds he turned off the engine and left silently. Ahh. Ganun pala ha. Butas yang gulong mo iwanan mo lang yan dito. Haha! Bad!

Then after making a dark plan of how can we revenge I went to Sta. Ana church to attend the 6 o’ clock mass. Haha!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A date.

Yeah, that was a date.

It’s been a long time we haven’t go out and enjoy each other. And fortunately, yesterday he gave me the best gift a man can offer to his woman, quality T-I-M-E.

I was surprised though a bit irritated when he appeared in my working area early as expected without even informing me that he’s done, we can go then, blah. (At wala kang pakialam kung naginarte ako!) I frowned at him and he was stammering while explaining that he just wanted to surprise me. Fine!

I logged off and we silently moved out of the building.

We hailed a cab and headed to Baywalk.

While walking holding each other’s hand, we reminisce the past. Our moments in that place 3 years ago when we were just friends. Hoooo. We used to get there after work to unlax. And here are some of our erstwhile photos.



I used to have fat, round face and short hair that time. And I never wished of having that hair style again and I’m a proud owner of a slim, skinny, sexy body now. Wahaha!

After having a long, tiring walk we hunt for a cool place to dine. We eyed this long rectangular bus-like eating house with upper deck at the right side of Roxas Boulevard going North. The place was so cool. At the upper deck, you can see the enlightening view of Manila Bay and the promising sparkle of stars at the vast darkness of the sky. What a pleasant lovely night.

We finished the food with poking, bullying and unbearable laughing. Hehe. After a jolly good conversation (and it's none of your business if that's how I called it), we decided to head home. He took me home and vamoosed.

Well, all I can say is, that night he just moved me to the top of his to-do list and I greatly appreciate it.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Think. Replenish. Materialize.

Iwas miserable thinking of those shitty things that I, myself, know can never be fixed. I sympathized with my loneliness. I was doomed by my selfish desire. I became so possessive without giving thoughts to the feelings of my better half. I never listen. I only hear whole of my heart’s ranting. I was been drowned by my own greed.


I think.

Why would I make myself miserable to the things that can never be fixed? Why would I let this sucked situation affect my entire life? What will I gain for being such a bitch? NOTHING. I’m just becoming a WOE. Woe is ME.

I replenish.

To be able to survive this relationship and live my life in extreme felicity. I should learn how to love myself. Unless I love myself, it’s hard for me to believe that anyone else will. When I love myself, in spite of failings and weaknesses I may have, I will feel confident and strong. Then like him. And enjoy being with him, NOT for the cruel reason that I just feel I need him to survive.

If he can’t give me quality T-I-M-E because of admissible reasons, I need to be more patient. I should be more understanding. I should be more supportive. I should find ways to fill my emptiness. How? Flirting is the lamest answer. Course, by making myself busy.

All of these replenish me and I know, someday, blissfulness will materialize.

Okay, enough for the drama.


If you’re aware (and I’m very well sure you are) of the song Irreplaceable by Beyonce, well here’s the male version of it, interpreted by Show No Love. The songs that have other gender version are greatly desired these days. Like the song Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, there was a male version of it sung by Elvin Costello. It was used as the ending song from one of the episodes of House Season 2. So Sick by Ne-Yo, has a female version (Ex-girlfriend). Fuck You by Eamon and the version of Fuck You Right Back by Frankee. And now, here’s the male version of Irreplaceable (To The Right).


I knew it will come out. Hehe.


For your total pleasure. I posted the lyrics with the audio track.

This is from a man's point of view
Fellas sometimes we gotta tell them ladies
To the right To the right
Aha yea get the stepin'
To the right To the right
To the right To the right
That's where I'm going in the middle of the night

In the closet that's your stuff
but trick i brought it so bitch don't touch
You talk a lot of bullshit all right
but while you walk and talk
I'mma get mine now
It's my name thats on your lass
You bald-headed rat trying to get rid of that

Back up out my face broad I'm really not trying to talk to you
Talking about I'm never gonna find a girl like you
You must got me fucked up

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in an hour
matter fact shes up stairs in the shower-baby

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can find another you on the corner
So don't you every for a second get to thinking your irreplaceable

Trick give me my phone
So I can call my chick and see if she's home
Oh shit I forgot that shes already home
What did you think I was putting you out for
Cause you was unreal kinda like the horse that is sitting on the back of your head
Baby fix them teeth seeing your
face is so old to me
Back up out my face broad I'm really not trying to talk to you
Telling me I'm never finding a girl like you
Boy you got me so damn twisted

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
'Coz I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact she'll drive up in a minute baby

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in an hour
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking ~ your irreplaceable

So since I'm not your everything
I'm not giving you anything
Nothing at all to you
Baby I'm not giving you nothing noway
Go ahead and shed your tears
Cause the truth of the matter is replacing you was the last tear

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

Gotta gotta go the the ri-ight

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

So don't you every for a second get to thinking
what?
get to thinking
what?
get to thinking your irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in a minute
matter fact she'll be here in a minute baby
You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in an hour
matter fact she's upstairs in the shower ohhh

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can find another you baby
theres so many of you baby

you must not know about me (two timing)
you must think I'm playing (back stabbin, heifer-lyin)

Always needing
I need something but the truth is
You have always been replaceable ohhh
Please see yourself out this way






Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Balentayns

Parang kelan lang nagbalot at nagbukas ako ng regalo at bumati ng walang kamatayang "Meri Krismas". Tapos ilang linggo lang nagsindi ako ng lusis at sinalubong ang pagpalit ng taon, sabay sigaw ng "Hapi Nyu Yir!" Ngayon naman araw ng mga puso. Ang bilis ng panahon noh? Bukas makalawa Mahal na Araw na, Pyesta ng mga patay tapos Krismas ulit. Hehe.

Panay ang tunog ng telepono ko kaninang umaga. Tu-toot. Tu-toot. Mga matatamis na pagbati galing sa mga di nakakalimot na kaibigan. Nakakatuwa naman talaga. Kulay pula ang buong paligid. Di dahil sa pagdanak ng dugo ha. Dahil sa magagandang pulang rosas na nagkalat. Mapabangketa o mall pa. Hanggang dito sa loob ng building namin, nakapila ang mga mamahaling bulaklak. E dios mio naman. Nuknukan naman ng mahal ng bulaklak nila! Parang executives lang ang may karapatang magbigay at mabigyan ng bulaklak.

Nga pala, unang Balentayns ko to na may jowa. Yihee! Pero parang pang-karaniwang araw lang. Parang tulad din ng mga nagdaang Araw ng Puso. Yun nga lang may katabi ka na sa upuan. Dati pag lumalabas kami. Grupo. Ngayon. Grupo pa din. Haha! Kasi ang laki na nya e. Hehe.

Sa bagay, ala naman talagang dapat ipagdiwang. Basta alam nyo sa isa't isa nagmamahalan kayo. Hindi lang sa araw ng puso kundi sa bawat minuto, oras o araw na dumaan. Alam mo na may isang taong laging nasa tabi mo. Nagmamahal sayo. Yihee! Ewan ko. Nakokornihan kasi ako dun sa mga babaeng maihi-ihi na sa sobrang kilig pag binibigyan ng bulaklak. Tulad kaninang umaga. May nag-door bell na lalakeng pusturang-pustura na may bitbit na bulaklak at tsokolate. Sa isip-isip ko, sosyal naman ng nagpadala ng roses na to. Kailangan bang naka-tie pa yung magdadala?! Yun pala jowa na yun ng ka-opisina ko. Super kilig naman si babae nung nakita.

"Ay ano yan?" (Malamang bulaklak. Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita nyan? Dios Mio!) "Ano to? Ano ka ba? Ahihihi. Sipain kita jan e." (Kita mo. Binigyan ka na nga ng bulaklak, nanipa ka pa. Gad!)

Sabay hatak kay manong...este...sa jowa nya palabas. "Ahihihi...ahihihi"

Hindi naman ako nagiinarte dahil sa wala akong rosas noh! Di ko nakahiligan ang bulaklak. Aanhin ko naman yun? E wala naman akong vase dito sa opis o sa bahay. Tsokolate pwede pa. Hehe. Mas mainam pa siguro kung cash na lang o pakainin ako sa mamahaling resto. Wahehe. Pero gudlak. Kailangan namin maghigpit ng sinturon. Sa panahon ng krisis, bawal magpakakorni. Kumain lang kami ng sabay, okay na. Swit na kami nun. Hehe. E kanina ngang umaga. Buti na lang naka-diaper ako. Maihi-ihi ba naman ako sa kilig dahil tong lalakeng to, minsan lang magsulat to. Bigyan ba naman ako ng letter na nakasulat sa mahabang papel na kung saan lang nya napulot at nakapulupot sa wire. Parang yung papel ng resibo sa grocery. Tapos yung panali na ginamit ng mokong e yung wire pang-bundle ng kurdon. O di ba ang swit. Pero pramis. Natuwa ako nung nabasa ko. Minsan lang nga kasi magsulat to. Parang bata yung nagsulat. Haha! Puro kakornihan. Hahaha. Pero in-fairness lab na lab ako ni mokong. Yihee!!!

O syasya, Hapi Balentayns!

Gudlak sa akin mamayang gabi. Malamang uuwi na naman akong magisa neto at kakain sa boarding house mag-isa. Gusto ko ngang regaluhan ng malaking orasan tong lalakeng to e. Balak ko sanang tungkabin yung orasan sa City Hall ng Maynila para ibigay sa lalakeng to na lagi na lang walang oras. Hmp!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Pfft

It's Saturday again.

On my way here to the office, I rode to this jeepney with, whick I think, an insane driver. I took the front seat not knowing the man would be beside me is incredulously crazy. He talks a lot. I just smiled at him everytime he speaks to me. I grew up keeping my Mom's advocacy "Do not talk to strangers." even he looks appreciative. It alarmed me when his hand forcefully shook my head yelling to another jeepney driver beside us, "Look! Pretty! Pretty!". I almost blew up and killed that lanky old man. I can't do anything. I just scowled at him. It didn't stop there. He keeps on talking. "Wag mong isipin yun. Mahal ka nun. Kung panget ka iiwan ka nun. E pretty ka naman e. Di ka iiwan nun." What the... Can you please stop talking or I'll kill you with my bare hands?! Grrr. He even slapped my left leg saying "Manay! Wag mo sinabing isipin yun e."

Ampf! Pwede ba?!

Thank God I reached my destination committing no sin. Grrr.

***********

Tomorrow's my Mom's birthday. I don't have any gift to her. I'll just treat her in middle-class restaurant and probably stroll with her the whole afternoon inside the mall. I'm running out of stocks and I don't have two pennies to rub together. Besides my Mom is not possessive. She's contented of what you can offer to her. I love her that way.

I'll bring the boyfriend to my hometown to celebrate with my Mom.

Goodluck to another weekend.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, someday.

Why is this song making me feel uncomfortable? A bit of guilt inside my throat. And why would I act guilty? I just feel sad to the person involve. And I don't want to repeat her story.

*************************************
She texted me. She wanted to see me. Okay, no problem. I agreed hastily. I gave her the liberty to choose the day, time and place of our meeting.

All of a sudden, she changed her mind. I received her message early morning canceling our meeting. "What's in this woman?!" I just replied, okay. Then I received this disturbing message: "I just realized we have nothing to talk about. You won. You have him and I left here all alone. Hope someday marealize mo yung pinasok mong complicated na sitwasyon."

What the...

I simply replied: "Don't worry, I'll take care of him. Hope you find peace and happiness."

*************************************

Hope she already found another love. I really prayed for her peace of mind.

Anyway, I had an awkward dream last night. I'm lying with another man. Think he's the boy next door. And why would I dream of him? Hmmmn. Ala lang. I just feel that he has a crush on me. Coz I always caught him stealing looks on me. Hahaha! Haliparot!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

strong but weak

It made me think twice if I'll going to post this entry or just keep it unopened. But since I'm already here and have the nerve to write, why not?

I’m in a stew when someone scolded me. Anyway, almost everyone feel bad especially when they know, in their heart, they made mistakes. I dunno if I am being unreasonably obstinate. Throwing deadly look to the one lecturing or scolding me. Answering impolitely. Bitching.

I pretend to be strong but the truth is I’m chicken-hearted. I want to run to someone who will make me feel better. Someone who will make me realize the lessons I should learn from committing those mistakes. And for the record, I talk a lot. “What’s with him/her? He/She doesn’t know what he/she is talking about. Is he/she out of his/her mind? Blah blah blah.”

In the long run, I will keep my mouth shut, admit my mistakes and learn from it.

But for many reasons admitting mistakes is difficult. In our culture, an implication of work represents us: if you fail a test, then you are a failure. If you make a mistake then you are a mistake. And we can hardly accept failure and mistake.

And here are some of the things I consider in learning from my mistakes.

  1. Growth starts when you can see room for improvement. You cannot be better if you don’t experience mistakes.
  2. Work to understand the mistake until you can make fun of it (or not want to kill others that make fun).
  3. You can’t change mistakes, but you can choose how to respond to them.

With these, I can barely feel the bitterness.

I pity this man who has his finger in every pie. He, who works hard and gives his full support to his men. He never complains. He rarely speaks his voice if his men did mistakes. He can’t even make fast decisions. He’s always behind time of everything. He can’t even go to a barber shop to trim down his hair. He has NO social life. How pity it is, right? Tsk.