Tuesday, February 27, 2007

They Can't Take That Away From Me


They can say,
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over
And they can try
Hard to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all,
But I refuse to falter in what I believe or lose faith in my

'Cause there's,
There's a light in me,
That shines brightly,
Yes, They can try,
But they can't take that away from me
From me

No no nooo

Oh they,
They can do
Anything they want to you,
If you let them in,
But they won't ever win,
If you cling to you pride, and just push them aside,

See I..
I have learned,
There's an inner peace I own,
Something in my soul that they can not possess
So I won't be afraid and the darkness will fade

'Cause there's,
There's light in me me,
That shines brightly,
Yes, They can try,
But they can't take that away from me

No oh oh,

They can't take this
Precious love I'll always have inside me,
Certainly the Lord will guide me where I need to go

Woah, woah
They can say
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I won't face the ground,
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach,

Although they do try,
Hard to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe or lose faith in my dreams,

'Cause there's a light in me,
That shines brightly
Yes, They can try but they can't take that away from
From me
No no nooo

Monday, February 26, 2007


As I heard it from someone’s tongue, I felt dreadful as I am. Where will I be in the next couple of weeks? Am I still stuck in this sick world of living and turn back on reality? Or will I voluntarily step out of the cave and venture to the wide ocean? I don’t need sympathy from anyone. All I need is time, to think and move. I’m strong and smart. And I know I can be to better.


I better turn the other cheek and move on.

Okay. How about weekend? I stuck myself in our compound. I and the boyfriend planned to go to theater but we decided to be wise and keep the money to our pockets rather than drop it to the mall’s booths’ growing cash registers. We watched the film “Ghost Rider”, a torrent I downloaded from here, in my room. The copy was a bit dark, blurred and pixilated towards the ending. Hehe. But you can get a clearer copy if you will browse the entire site. Software’s and the site I used came from my friend Ronald.

My Sunday was a long and tiring day. I did the laundry and cleaned my entire room. Oh, there was this show off man in our compound that freaked me out. I was raging to anger when he placed his bike near the table where our breakfast was seated. I asked him with all the patience left in me to turn off his engine so our food won’t get smoked. He didn’t even move and I never heard any words from him. He didn’t even bother to look at me. Ahh. Gusto ng away ha. I yelled at him “Nakakaintindi ka ba ng tagalog? Pwede bang pakipatay na ng motor mo dahil may pagkain kami dito? “. Still no words from him and after a couple of seconds he turned off the engine and left silently. Ahh. Ganun pala ha. Butas yang gulong mo iwanan mo lang yan dito. Haha! Bad!

Then after making a dark plan of how can we revenge I went to Sta. Ana church to attend the 6 o’ clock mass. Haha!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A date.

Yeah, that was a date.

It’s been a long time we haven’t go out and enjoy each other. And fortunately, yesterday he gave me the best gift a man can offer to his woman, quality T-I-M-E.

I was surprised though a bit irritated when he appeared in my working area early as expected without even informing me that he’s done, we can go then, blah. (At wala kang pakialam kung naginarte ako!) I frowned at him and he was stammering while explaining that he just wanted to surprise me. Fine!

I logged off and we silently moved out of the building.

We hailed a cab and headed to Baywalk.

While walking holding each other’s hand, we reminisce the past. Our moments in that place 3 years ago when we were just friends. Hoooo. We used to get there after work to unlax. And here are some of our erstwhile photos.

I used to have fat, round face and short hair that time. And I never wished of having that hair style again and I’m a proud owner of a slim, skinny, sexy body now. Wahaha!

After having a long, tiring walk we hunt for a cool place to dine. We eyed this long rectangular bus-like eating house with upper deck at the right side of Roxas Boulevard going North. The place was so cool. At the upper deck, you can see the enlightening view of Manila Bay and the promising sparkle of stars at the vast darkness of the sky. What a pleasant lovely night.

We finished the food with poking, bullying and unbearable laughing. Hehe. After a jolly good conversation (and it's none of your business if that's how I called it), we decided to head home. He took me home and vamoosed.

Well, all I can say is, that night he just moved me to the top of his to-do list and I greatly appreciate it.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Think. Replenish. Materialize.

Iwas miserable thinking of those shitty things that I, myself, know can never be fixed. I sympathized with my loneliness. I was doomed by my selfish desire. I became so possessive without giving thoughts to the feelings of my better half. I never listen. I only hear whole of my heart’s ranting. I was been drowned by my own greed.

I think.

Why would I make myself miserable to the things that can never be fixed? Why would I let this sucked situation affect my entire life? What will I gain for being such a bitch? NOTHING. I’m just becoming a WOE. Woe is ME.

I replenish.

To be able to survive this relationship and live my life in extreme felicity. I should learn how to love myself. Unless I love myself, it’s hard for me to believe that anyone else will. When I love myself, in spite of failings and weaknesses I may have, I will feel confident and strong. Then like him. And enjoy being with him, NOT for the cruel reason that I just feel I need him to survive.

If he can’t give me quality T-I-M-E because of admissible reasons, I need to be more patient. I should be more understanding. I should be more supportive. I should find ways to fill my emptiness. How? Flirting is the lamest answer. Course, by making myself busy.

All of these replenish me and I know, someday, blissfulness will materialize.

Okay, enough for the drama.

If you’re aware (and I’m very well sure you are) of the song Irreplaceable by Beyonce, well here’s the male version of it, interpreted by Show No Love. The songs that have other gender version are greatly desired these days. Like the song Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, there was a male version of it sung by Elvin Costello. It was used as the ending song from one of the episodes of House Season 2. So Sick by Ne-Yo, has a female version (Ex-girlfriend). Fuck You by Eamon and the version of Fuck You Right Back by Frankee. And now, here’s the male version of Irreplaceable (To The Right).

I knew it will come out. Hehe.

For your total pleasure. I posted the lyrics with the audio track.

This is from a man's point of view
Fellas sometimes we gotta tell them ladies
To the right To the right
Aha yea get the stepin'
To the right To the right
To the right To the right
That's where I'm going in the middle of the night

In the closet that's your stuff
but trick i brought it so bitch don't touch
You talk a lot of bullshit all right
but while you walk and talk
I'mma get mine now
It's my name thats on your lass
You bald-headed rat trying to get rid of that

Back up out my face broad I'm really not trying to talk to you
Talking about I'm never gonna find a girl like you
You must got me fucked up

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in an hour
matter fact shes up stairs in the shower-baby

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can find another you on the corner
So don't you every for a second get to thinking your irreplaceable

Trick give me my phone
So I can call my chick and see if she's home
Oh shit I forgot that shes already home
What did you think I was putting you out for
Cause you was unreal kinda like the horse that is sitting on the back of your head
Baby fix them teeth seeing your
face is so old to me
Back up out my face broad I'm really not trying to talk to you
Telling me I'm never finding a girl like you
Boy you got me so damn twisted

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
'Coz I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact she'll drive up in a minute baby

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in an hour
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking ~ your irreplaceable

So since I'm not your everything
I'm not giving you anything
Nothing at all to you
Baby I'm not giving you nothing noway
Go ahead and shed your tears
Cause the truth of the matter is replacing you was the last tear

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

Gotta gotta go the the ri-ight

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

So don't you every for a second get to thinking
get to thinking
get to thinking your irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in a minute
matter fact she'll be here in a minute baby
You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in an hour
matter fact she's upstairs in the shower ohhh

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can find another you baby
theres so many of you baby

you must not know about me (two timing)
you must think I'm playing (back stabbin, heifer-lyin)

Always needing
I need something but the truth is
You have always been replaceable ohhh
Please see yourself out this way

Wednesday, February 14, 2007


Parang kelan lang nagbalot at nagbukas ako ng regalo at bumati ng walang kamatayang "Meri Krismas". Tapos ilang linggo lang nagsindi ako ng lusis at sinalubong ang pagpalit ng taon, sabay sigaw ng "Hapi Nyu Yir!" Ngayon naman araw ng mga puso. Ang bilis ng panahon noh? Bukas makalawa Mahal na Araw na, Pyesta ng mga patay tapos Krismas ulit. Hehe.

Panay ang tunog ng telepono ko kaninang umaga. Tu-toot. Tu-toot. Mga matatamis na pagbati galing sa mga di nakakalimot na kaibigan. Nakakatuwa naman talaga. Kulay pula ang buong paligid. Di dahil sa pagdanak ng dugo ha. Dahil sa magagandang pulang rosas na nagkalat. Mapabangketa o mall pa. Hanggang dito sa loob ng building namin, nakapila ang mga mamahaling bulaklak. E dios mio naman. Nuknukan naman ng mahal ng bulaklak nila! Parang executives lang ang may karapatang magbigay at mabigyan ng bulaklak.

Nga pala, unang Balentayns ko to na may jowa. Yihee! Pero parang pang-karaniwang araw lang. Parang tulad din ng mga nagdaang Araw ng Puso. Yun nga lang may katabi ka na sa upuan. Dati pag lumalabas kami. Grupo. Ngayon. Grupo pa din. Haha! Kasi ang laki na nya e. Hehe.

Sa bagay, ala naman talagang dapat ipagdiwang. Basta alam nyo sa isa't isa nagmamahalan kayo. Hindi lang sa araw ng puso kundi sa bawat minuto, oras o araw na dumaan. Alam mo na may isang taong laging nasa tabi mo. Nagmamahal sayo. Yihee! Ewan ko. Nakokornihan kasi ako dun sa mga babaeng maihi-ihi na sa sobrang kilig pag binibigyan ng bulaklak. Tulad kaninang umaga. May nag-door bell na lalakeng pusturang-pustura na may bitbit na bulaklak at tsokolate. Sa isip-isip ko, sosyal naman ng nagpadala ng roses na to. Kailangan bang naka-tie pa yung magdadala?! Yun pala jowa na yun ng ka-opisina ko. Super kilig naman si babae nung nakita.

"Ay ano yan?" (Malamang bulaklak. Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita nyan? Dios Mio!) "Ano to? Ano ka ba? Ahihihi. Sipain kita jan e." (Kita mo. Binigyan ka na nga ng bulaklak, nanipa ka pa. Gad!)

Sabay hatak kay manong...este...sa jowa nya palabas. "Ahihihi...ahihihi"

Hindi naman ako nagiinarte dahil sa wala akong rosas noh! Di ko nakahiligan ang bulaklak. Aanhin ko naman yun? E wala naman akong vase dito sa opis o sa bahay. Tsokolate pwede pa. Hehe. Mas mainam pa siguro kung cash na lang o pakainin ako sa mamahaling resto. Wahehe. Pero gudlak. Kailangan namin maghigpit ng sinturon. Sa panahon ng krisis, bawal magpakakorni. Kumain lang kami ng sabay, okay na. Swit na kami nun. Hehe. E kanina ngang umaga. Buti na lang naka-diaper ako. Maihi-ihi ba naman ako sa kilig dahil tong lalakeng to, minsan lang magsulat to. Bigyan ba naman ako ng letter na nakasulat sa mahabang papel na kung saan lang nya napulot at nakapulupot sa wire. Parang yung papel ng resibo sa grocery. Tapos yung panali na ginamit ng mokong e yung wire pang-bundle ng kurdon. O di ba ang swit. Pero pramis. Natuwa ako nung nabasa ko. Minsan lang nga kasi magsulat to. Parang bata yung nagsulat. Haha! Puro kakornihan. Hahaha. Pero in-fairness lab na lab ako ni mokong. Yihee!!!

O syasya, Hapi Balentayns!

Gudlak sa akin mamayang gabi. Malamang uuwi na naman akong magisa neto at kakain sa boarding house mag-isa. Gusto ko ngang regaluhan ng malaking orasan tong lalakeng to e. Balak ko sanang tungkabin yung orasan sa City Hall ng Maynila para ibigay sa lalakeng to na lagi na lang walang oras. Hmp!

Saturday, February 10, 2007


It's Saturday again.

On my way here to the office, I rode to this jeepney with, whick I think, an insane driver. I took the front seat not knowing the man would be beside me is incredulously crazy. He talks a lot. I just smiled at him everytime he speaks to me. I grew up keeping my Mom's advocacy "Do not talk to strangers." even he looks appreciative. It alarmed me when his hand forcefully shook my head yelling to another jeepney driver beside us, "Look! Pretty! Pretty!". I almost blew up and killed that lanky old man. I can't do anything. I just scowled at him. It didn't stop there. He keeps on talking. "Wag mong isipin yun. Mahal ka nun. Kung panget ka iiwan ka nun. E pretty ka naman e. Di ka iiwan nun." What the... Can you please stop talking or I'll kill you with my bare hands?! Grrr. He even slapped my left leg saying "Manay! Wag mo sinabing isipin yun e."

Ampf! Pwede ba?!

Thank God I reached my destination committing no sin. Grrr.


Tomorrow's my Mom's birthday. I don't have any gift to her. I'll just treat her in middle-class restaurant and probably stroll with her the whole afternoon inside the mall. I'm running out of stocks and I don't have two pennies to rub together. Besides my Mom is not possessive. She's contented of what you can offer to her. I love her that way.

I'll bring the boyfriend to my hometown to celebrate with my Mom.

Goodluck to another weekend.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, someday.

Why is this song making me feel uncomfortable? A bit of guilt inside my throat. And why would I act guilty? I just feel sad to the person involve. And I don't want to repeat her story.

She texted me. She wanted to see me. Okay, no problem. I agreed hastily. I gave her the liberty to choose the day, time and place of our meeting.

All of a sudden, she changed her mind. I received her message early morning canceling our meeting. "What's in this woman?!" I just replied, okay. Then I received this disturbing message: "I just realized we have nothing to talk about. You won. You have him and I left here all alone. Hope someday marealize mo yung pinasok mong complicated na sitwasyon."

What the...

I simply replied: "Don't worry, I'll take care of him. Hope you find peace and happiness."


Hope she already found another love. I really prayed for her peace of mind.

Anyway, I had an awkward dream last night. I'm lying with another man. Think he's the boy next door. And why would I dream of him? Hmmmn. Ala lang. I just feel that he has a crush on me. Coz I always caught him stealing looks on me. Hahaha! Haliparot!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

strong but weak

It made me think twice if I'll going to post this entry or just keep it unopened. But since I'm already here and have the nerve to write, why not?

I’m in a stew when someone scolded me. Anyway, almost everyone feel bad especially when they know, in their heart, they made mistakes. I dunno if I am being unreasonably obstinate. Throwing deadly look to the one lecturing or scolding me. Answering impolitely. Bitching.

I pretend to be strong but the truth is I’m chicken-hearted. I want to run to someone who will make me feel better. Someone who will make me realize the lessons I should learn from committing those mistakes. And for the record, I talk a lot. “What’s with him/her? He/She doesn’t know what he/she is talking about. Is he/she out of his/her mind? Blah blah blah.”

In the long run, I will keep my mouth shut, admit my mistakes and learn from it.

But for many reasons admitting mistakes is difficult. In our culture, an implication of work represents us: if you fail a test, then you are a failure. If you make a mistake then you are a mistake. And we can hardly accept failure and mistake.

And here are some of the things I consider in learning from my mistakes.

  1. Growth starts when you can see room for improvement. You cannot be better if you don’t experience mistakes.
  2. Work to understand the mistake until you can make fun of it (or not want to kill others that make fun).
  3. You can’t change mistakes, but you can choose how to respond to them.

With these, I can barely feel the bitterness.

I pity this man who has his finger in every pie. He, who works hard and gives his full support to his men. He never complains. He rarely speaks his voice if his men did mistakes. He can’t even make fast decisions. He’s always behind time of everything. He can’t even go to a barber shop to trim down his hair. He has NO social life. How pity it is, right? Tsk.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Now I know why the PPD test is not included in the annual health check-up. Was it me who said that? Moron. It’s a tuberculin skin test and it is done to see if you have ever had TB. And thank God I’m negative. As I experienced and do the research at the same time, PPD is done by putting a small amount of antigens under the top layer of skin on inner forearm. If I have ever been exposed to the TB bacteria, my skin will react to the antigens by developing a firm red bump at the site within two days. I was injected TB protein last Friday and I went back yesterday for reading. Yeah, my skin swelled up 5mm in diameter and is reddish but that doesn’t mean I am positive to one of the killer diseases on earth and besides there are effective treatments of TB nowadays. Living in a Third World country is not an excuse to lock yourself in your room and cry your eyes out.

Coincidentally, the episode I watched last night of House Season 2 is entitled “TB or Not TB”.

There was this famous doctor who becomes inexplicably ill while rendering service in Africa. He was sent to Dr. House for treatment. He knew he has a contagious disease he got from his patients in Africa, TB. But House didn’t buy that. He held his own study together with his assistants Chase, Cameron and of course Foreman. Sebastian (the famous ill doctor) called a press conference and while having his speech, House rushed to him and focused the light on his face. He’s turning yellow and pale. House announced that he’s having a cardiac arrest. What a brilliant son of a bitch doctor. He faced the camera and shouted “That is not TB!” After running a test (blood sugar test), they found out that he has a tumor.

My interest is growing more with this TV series House. I’m learning to like this pompous ass doctor, House. He has a strong, brilliant, domineering character that will surely raise your eyebrows. Haha.

Anyway, back to the tutorial. I’m refreshing my web developing skill. I need a part time job. My current job is not enough to pay the bills. A blue-collar job doesn’t matter unless it’s decent and will not harass me, physically and emotionally. Um. Waitress? Haha. Adik!

Friday, February 02, 2007

It’s getting worst.

When I was taking a bath yesterday morning, I coughed with blood. Hell yeah, blood! And it’s very unusual. I never experienced coughing with blood. I was terrified so I quickly splashed the cold water continuously onto my body and hurriedly went upstairs to inform my Mom and of course my Boyfriend. Then after a few minutes my phone rang. Here’s the boyfriend to the rescue. He told me to see a doctor, immediately. Well, for sure, with what had happened, I really need to seek a doctor’s touch.

We met at the corner of our streets and directed to an associate medical service of our company for free check-up. I met Dr. Santos-Cacal, an affable person. Well, I guess I don’t need to repeat what she said verbatim. She advised me to undergo some tests and X-RAY. From some sort of two tests and an X-RAY it went to an annual check-up so the company will shoulder all the expenses. I just paid PHP250 for the PPD test and for some unknown reason it is not included in the annual health check-up so I settled the payment from my own pocket.

Arrgh. I really hate going to hospitals or clinics.

They took my urine for analysis. They pierced me with this needle, that I'm scared of, on my right arm and get enough blood for analysis. And PPD really hurts. They injected me this liquid-medicine-from-a-vial and as the fluid accumulated into my cell, an upswelling occurred in my skin. Ouch!

We lay our hope that the blood was caused only by a strained throat. Our fingers are crossed waiting for the result next week.


It's Saturday again and by this time, I will go to my hometown. I miss my Mom and my sister. In this time of my life, I need TLC from a mother.