All By Myself

The rain poured heavily last night. I prayed for it.

The mass ended, me and my sister go for a spin. A huge drop of water from heaven hit my forehead. I looked at the sky and felt the remaining drops on my face and body. I told my sister to drive faster before we get home drenched. We're unlucky enough to avoid it and it rigorously attacked us. The heaven is crying hard sympathizing to my breaking heart. I find myself humming the song "All By Myself" as popularized by Celine Dion. As of this moment I can relate to this song..."all by myself...don't wanna be...all by myself anymore". I always have this feeling of emptiness...as if my mind and soul are floating and go to wherever the wind blows.

My bestfriend is with his girl again. they're back to each other's arms. So goodbye Saturday gimmicks...goodbye sweet days...goodbye texting...goodbye phoning...goodbye bestfriend. Anyhow, I'm still happy for him. He retrieved the happiness that once stolen to him...who?..I don't know...ask him...hehehe.

I always ask him if there's a problem coz I can see on his face the emptiness and loneliness of his heart. Although he refuses to confess it, I do my best to keep him smiling. We go out on our free days, watch movies, dine, we plop down on parks and start spouting off nothingness. Share dreams and ambitions. We fool around. I can still remember, inside Glorietta mall, outside Mark Spencer boutique while waiting for our colleague shopping inside, we play a game. We picked a line as a marker. Everyone who crossed that line with his/her right-foot stepping forward, I'll pinch him, and with the left-foot, he'll pinch me. We end up counting the numbers of feet crossing the line. What a silly game.

I stopped reminiscing, seeing my sister looking utterly to me with her eyes asking "what's the problem?". I focused my attention on somewhere else preventing her. Empathy is such a cheap and common virtue. I turned on the television, looked for some program that can amuse me. I startled speaking about my transfer to Sta. Ana. On Sunday, I will be moving to Sta. Ana, Manila. Start living alone. Feed and shelter myself. I am not used to it. I am dependent with the people around me. My Mom washing my clothes and cooking my food. My sister who's always on my side eagerly listening to my unusual-experience stories. My bestfriend comforting and caring me. My officemates making me laugh to complete my day. Somehow, I realized, living alone is quite exciting. No curfew, make decisions on your own, do what you want. I can smoke anytime...haha.

I slept leaving everything in my head hanging, hoping for the promises of tomorrow.