I miss my Daddy

When I heard this song...it shot me to the heart. I really miss my Daddy. How I wish he's here, caring us, comforting us, LECTURING me and loving us. Ho-hum...






I remember
When you used to take me on a bike ride every day on the bayou
(Remember that? We were inseparable?)
And I remember when you could do no wrong
You come home from work
And I jump in your arms when I saw you
(I was so excited)
I was so happy
(So happy to see you so happy to see you)
To see you
Ooh

Because you loved me
I overcome
And I'm so proud of what you've become
You've given me such security
No matter what mistakes I make you're there for me
You cure my disappointments and u heal my pain
You understood my biz and you protected me
I treasure every year in place a comemory
And thats why I want my unborn son
To be like my daddy
I want my husband to be like my daddy
There is no one else like my daddy
And I thank you for lovin me
(daddy daddy daddy)

I still remember the expression your face when you found out
I'd been on a date and had a boyfriend
(my first boyfriend, you shoulda seen your face)
I still remember I called you cryin
cuz of my tattoo coulda said "Beyonc I told Ya"
So instead you said you'd get one too
(You and my momma said yall'd get one just like mine)
Words cant express my boundless gratitude for you
I appreciate what you do oh
You've given me tight security
No matter what mistakes I know you're there for me
Cute my disappointments and heal my pain
You understood by biz and you protected me
I treasure every extraordinary memory
that's why

I want my unborn son
To be like my daddy
I want my husband to be like my daddy
There is no one else like my daddy
And I thank you (thank you) for lovin me

Even if a man broke my heart today
No matter how much pain I'm in I would be ok
Cuz I got a man in my life that can't be replaced
His love is unconditional
It won't go away
And I know I'm lucky (lucky)
Know it aint easy
Men? who take care of their responsibilities
Love is overwhelming
??
Stop a tear from falling
I love you so much daddy

Thank you
You've done so much for me
I love you,
Daddy

I'm so emotional daddy
Every time I think of you
I get emotional daddy
Every time I think of you
There is no one else like my daddy
No one will replace my daddy
Daddy daddy daddy daddy

I really miss you Daddy.

Puerto Invasion

As a reward to ourselves from those long tiring days of work, me and the boyfriend pushed to Puerto Galera, Oriental Mindoro. Weeee. Pity to say but that was our first time to be at the place. We didn't even have any idea how to get there. Poor, innocent fellas. Hehe. I took charge of organizing the journey. I browsed the WWW to look for potential hotels, resorts, and whatever you may call it. Fortunately, I found this Blue Crystal Beach Resort which I guessed was a cool and relaxing place to spend the holiday.

We left the city in a bus at around 7AM bound to Batangas Pier. We brought all necessary thingy like medicines, alcohol, sunblock, music players, digital cameras, water and prepared our food for the long trip. We brought sandwiches with us which we both prepared at their house the night before we left.

After two and half hours we had our feet at the port of Batangas City and we looked like dumbass peasants storming at the entryway of the piled ticket booths. We bought the tickets costing us PHP 360. Fuck the lady at the booth giving us the wrong gate number. We fought the big crowd at Gate 3 just to get to the boarding area when the guard barked on us that the tickets we're holding are for Gate 2. Fuck! I almost lost my arms just to get outside.

That was my first time to ride in a ferry boat and I cursed boarding on it. The improvised platform scared me, I was shaking as I climbed onto it.

We were a bit disappointed when we reached the beach resort. The place's too quiet, peaceful as it was. No white sand, no ladies in two-piece's, the food were so expensive, no banging sound of stereos from bars, no LIFE! Pfft. But the amenities they offered were convincing and paid the price. The suite we got have fridge, aircon, kitchen, vault, tub, TV, comfy bed and cabinets. Not bad.

We just wandered around and feel the soothing place.

The next morning, after breakfast, we went to White Beach and rent a tricycle for PHP 400 back and forth. We had no choice but to bite it kesa naman tumunganga kami maghapon sa suite. Anyhow, we enjoy the ride. The roads were elevated stiff and rocky. Para kaming nasa roller coaster. Hehe.

At the beach, we were eyeing for sexy, voluptuous ladies in bikinis but guess we're expecting too much. Haha. Only one american gal captured the attention of the mass and she suddenly wrapped her body with a towel when she felt the lustful eyes around her, including me. Wahehe.

We wanted to try the banana boat but when these words spilled out from one of the crews ("Okay lang ma'am kahit di kayo marunong lumangoy. May life vest naman po. Kahit una ulo nyo sa tubig, aangat pa din kayo") Watda! No, thanks! But we will surely try it when we go back next year or maybe to Bora. Hehe.

I was so stupid. I didn't bring extra money coz I was relying on ATM. All I know ATMs are accessible everywhere. Ang tanga ko. Nasa probinysa pala kami. At di lang probinsya. Probinsyang probinsya. There's only one ATM in one rural bank at the town and unfortunately it has no power. Argh. So we went really budget that time. No henna, no souvenirs, no lunch. Haha!

And when we reckoned all our expenses and the money left from the boyfriend's wallet, a thousand bill will be left. Hooray! We can order what we want for dinner. Hehe. We filled our tummy with siszzling beef tenderloin steak.

And at our last day, I spoke to the gals at the next door and found out that they were also looking for ATM the other day. They paid the tricycle PHP 1000 just to get to Katiklan. Ang mahal grabe! They also went to White Beach and saw us. And they only came accross of that resort in the internet. Wekwek.

Anyhow, we came back home safe with the memories of that place kept in us.

Hmn...

I forced myself to get up from bed this morning to be able to go to work early. My head was in pain and it was intolerable so I texted the boss if I still need to report early as I plan to work half day. Haven't received any reply from him so I had no choice but to get my ass off the bed. I got a message from him after my bathe

ME: Sir natapos nyo yung JV? Pwede na deliver? Half day sana ako e. Sakit ng ulo ko.

BOSS: Gud am Eya. Inde pa natapos e. Ok lang if you want to work half day. Come in around 2pm. Might be a long night again for us.

ME: Sir pasok na ako. Nakaligo na po ako e. Baka sabihin ni big boss "fail to deliver is a crime". Pft. Deliver ko na lang yung pwede Sir.

BOSS: Mag-half day ka na lang. Anyway hinde pa naman tapos yung JV. Alam ko naman kung gano kahirap magpuyat. Cge na. Mas needed ka later kesa now.

BOSS: Meron ka ba prods to deliver today? Kung meron man, I don't think it would harm us if we deliver it this evening. Rest ka muna for now.

ME: Wala naman Sir. Ok pasok na lang po ako around 1PM. Thanks Sir!

BOSS: Ok. Thanks for the hard work. Tiis lang tayo ulit this year. Meron naman me plan. I just can't divulge everything even kay big boss. Trust me as you did before. Inde ko kayo pababayaan.

BOSS: Pahirapan lang. Hahaha! Temporarily.

ME: Naks parang Metrobank. We're in good hands. Anyway Sir thanks for the patience towards my attitude before. Siguro may kanya-kanya lang tayong concerns. Anyway, I know we can pass this test. Everything will be fixed and the worthy will be rewarded.

BOSS: Really? We can? I don't know. Hahaha! We will if everything goes as I planned. Metrobank? Hmm. Siguro mas bagay kung PSbank. Hahaha!


I didn't get a chance to answer him as I fell asleep quickly. Hmn. With regards to the staffs' passion at work, it's undoubtedly that we will achieve our goal. Plans are good but it will be great if you entrust it to the people in a cycle. A leader is one who KNOWS the way, GOES the way and SHOWS the way. Let your little men know your inner thinkings so they can comprehend to the situation. Maybe the suggestions and opinions that they would lay on your table will be of a big help to your plan.

We trusted you before, now you have our faith. :)

Ayoko naaaaaaaaa!!!!

Nakakabobo, nakakasawa, walang kwenta, walang nangyayari!!!

Ayoko naaaaaa!!!

Why am I stuck in this fucking work routine? I'm fed up of what I've been doin' for the past years. Paulit-ulit! Walang challenge! Nakakabobo!

I lost the wisdom I once holding before and now I'm goddamn bonded with this fucking work! I want to regain the knowledge I lost. If only I have enough money to get a crash course of it, to refresh it, I will. :(

I want a new work environment. Something that will push my mind to think. Sana...sana...matuloy na yun!!!

Back to work!

It's Monday...oh my...and I'm just starting to hate this day! 'Coz most of the people are relaxing in their house, in beaches or somewhere else and just enjoying the long vacation while US are here in the office and fucking working! Well I should say THEM 'coz I don't have that much to do. Ahihihi. The surrounding is as peaceful as it was last Holy Week. No multitude, no scattered vendors on the side streets, no traffic and no goddamned LRT!!! Pakshet! It took me an hour to get to Buendia from Monumento taking only a jeepney. Pfft. I got all the dust and smoke from vehicles and my nape pretty ache badly probably due to exhaustion and hunger. I didn't eat last night and didn't take breakfast this morning. I was in a hurry to get here. When I woke up I idly grabbed my towel and directed to bathroom without any words to my Mom whose naggingly waking me up. I just talked to her after my shower.

My weekend? Too boring. We went to church early Sunday and met my Kuya and Ate there. After the mass, we went back home and I slept. I just got up from bed when I felt the pain in my stomach.

We don't have new DVD movies to watch and no new stories to told so I just persuaded my niece and nephew to sing. Hehe. It was too boring as that! When my Ate and Kuya waved goodbye I started thinking of things that will amuse me. I just phoned the boyfriend. Yesterday was the first day I felt near to him when he was actually far to reach. We kept on checking one another by phoning every hour. "What are you doin? Are you missing me? What did you eat? What do you have for dinner? What's making you busy?" Blah blah blah...And when he came home from church, he called me promptly. Letting me know he's already home. Yiheee!!!

We had a serious discussion regarding my search of a new place. My Mom talked to him and they both agreed to find me a new nesting place. There was this disturbing incident in my boarding house that really freaked him and my Mom. He offered me to stay in their place but it's a no-no so I decided to start looking this weekend. I love my current place but I should consider my safety. I can no longer count it as my refuge for the terror that built to us by that incident was unbearable.

Recharged

After those long and tiring days of work I finally had a decent sleep last night and woke up fully charged. Thanks to Stresstabs, a stress relief multivitamins I took last night, that's making me feel strong today. I feel so recharged. Heee!

Hmn..think I should have a stock of it so I wouldn't looked haggard everytime we're working OVER time.

It's Good Friday today and...yeah...we're still working to finished all pending projects. I should get used of it and besides we still have work on Monday though that day was officially announced by Malacañang a NON-WORKING HOLIDAY! Anyway, we'll be paid twice of what we're earning in a day...oh...the staffs we'll be paid double and the officers will be given an allowance which I think is reasonable enough for us to report. Oh my...I'm becoming positive here. Well I guess this blog should obtain words of birds and sunshine not crows and darkness all the time. I just feel relieved of the stress I was for the past days.

As I've said before, we're still the ones who shall be rewarded for all the work sufferings. We will be in a vacation for 1 week, from May 30 to April 4 April 30 to May 4. Yepyep...one week! Oh god I'm so excited of that week to come. We planned to spend it at Puerto Galera. I asked Ben to treat me by shouldering all the expenses. Haha! I should have said this to him "You love me so spend for me". Haha!

Anyway, as I had my way here to the office I noticed the peaceful surrounding. All establishments were closed and you can only see few scattered people. I just thought, people are still spiritually engaged to our traditional way of observing the Lenten season. My heart was smiling as my eyes were enjoying the serenity of the sceneries. This is one of the factors why I'm joyous today.

I will go home to Bulacan tomorrow to be with my family at Easter. No plans for that day. I should just unlax and enjoy the day with them.

Fuck

Sue me for cursing but I will tell this to you, you cannot blame me. It's Holy Thursday but we're fucking working in the office without fucking water, air conditioners and the elevators were fucking down this morning so most of my colleagues used the fucking stairs to get here. Fuck! Ronald tell me, don't I have the right to curse?

Good for me. I came here at around 7AM and never hassled walking on stairs up to the 15th floor. I got here early to upload the files the poor formatters finished from yesterday morning 'til this morning. Hell yeah! They worked 24 hours to meet deadlines. WTF! Where's the justice dear Lord?! Give us the most valid reason why we're killing ourselves working here while others are enjoying their vacation. *deep sigh*

When will this trial (if it is...then maybe this is the toughest trial we underwent) end? We know we can get through with this. We can work this out together. Everything will be back to normal and nobody but US shall reap the rewards.

Pain In Work

I've been working almost four years of my life and yet gain nothing.

When I graduated in college, I stuck myself in our store. I've been busy managing that stall. And I really enjoyed it. Kung hindi pa ako pinagtulakan ng Nanay ko na maghanap ng trabaho at bitawan yung tindahan na yun, hindi ako magbabanat ng buto at magtyatyagang bumili ng Manila Bulletin every Sunday at bilugan ang mga pwedeng applyan. Hunting for a job didn't give me pain. After a month and a couple of weeks, I found this company. Magfofour years na ako dito sa May but when I think of the years I spent in this company...tsk...nothing....I gain nothing. I just met the man who captured my heart...and aside from that....NOTHING.

*sigh* *sigh* *sigh*

If only I knew that it will enslave me, I didn't go to Legaspi Suites, Salcedo Village on May 2, 2003.

Tsk.


I got off AGAIN this morning from work at around 4:30 AM. The whole team had been busy with this goddamn project that we'd been working for months and until now cannot perfect because of this goddamn unholy client that are playing gods and making us slaves. Umuwi akong tumitilaok na yung manok tapos kailangan ko pang pumasok ng alas-onse ng umaga para umattend ng meeting. Pakshet! Gudlak!

Gudlak sa mga taong nagtatrabahong parang kalabaw pero walang napapala. Yung pinaghihirapan nila, pinagtatrabahuhan nila. Sino nakikinabanang? Mga malalaking taong nagpapalaki ng ano nila! Putangina nyo! Mahiya kayo sa balat nyo! Pataasan kayo ng sweldo habang nagpapainit lang kayo ng pwet sa upuan nyo! Buti nga kung umiinit e. E puta bihira mo makita sa upuan nila. Kung hindi nagbreak, naglalamyerda sa labas. Nagmomall during office hours. O di kaya papasok na malapit na uwian tapos pag tinawagan para magpaliwanag kung bakit late ang hinayupak, ang dahilan...sakit ng katawan nya...lahat na ata ng sakit nadahilan. E masasakitin ka palang hayuf ka e di magresign ka na't magstay ka na lang sa bahay! Ang kapal pa ng mukha na magreklamo sa increase nya. E potah ka buti nga naadjust ng ganun kalaki sweldo mo kahit ni-singkong duling wala kang naipasok sa kumpanya na to! Siguro nga dapat manahimik ka na lang sa bahay nyo baka dito ka pa mamatay! Tangina nyo!!!

Scorpio [Element: Water]

I've finished my work, browsed the internet and came up with this:

A Preponderance of the WATER element

A heavy emphasis of Water element signs puts you closely in touch with your feelings, and in tune with the nuances and subtleties in your environment that others won't even notice. You approach life and understand it through your emotions, and you're really at your best when you "play your hunches." You don't intellectualize about things; you respond exactly how you feel. Water sign people are very attuned to their feelings. An intense sensitivity permits you to experience the heights of emotional bliss, but it can also take you to the depth of despair. Close emotional relationships are essential to your well-being and happiness. Superficial affairs are few, and less than satisfying. Romantic, sentimental, and affectionate, there must be a stable and secure bond between you and your partner. When you are happily situated in such a bond, you can be a very nurturing type. You can be "smothering" toward your children, and very possessive of your mate. You are not one who can subscribe to the code "live and let live." You communicate best in non-verbal ways; emotionally, psychically, or through forms as art, dance, music, poetry and photography. You have a natural feel and sense for the arts. You're apt to let the heart rule the head. Highly impractical and impressionable, you sometimes use bad judgment for you are unable to be objective and evaluate situations impersonally. You may change your mind as often as your moods change, but rarely do the facts sway your beliefs.

Water Absence

The absence or limitation of Water signs in your horoscope suggests that you may have difficulty understanding the deeper meanings of events and circumstances. Indeed, you may be a little lacking in emotional intensity. This is not to say that you have no feelings, but it does mean that your emotions are not easily engaged and they really don't run deep. You aren't so apt to form those extremely close friendships and relationships, and you may even feel smothered and threatened by strong emotional demands of others. You recover quickly from emotional bumps and scrapes, never letting your disappointments get you down. Depression is never apt to be a problem. Many of the aspects of not having water signs are positive, but on the negative side, you must guard against becoming rather callous and cold, detached and unfeeling. Intuitive skills are not readily available to those with few planets in Water signs. In your view this does not matter so much, because you don't trust intuitive knowledge anyway.

Yeah, right!

I've been to my hometown this weekend and I just pigged out. I've no control on food if I'm in our house at Bulacan. I frequently open our ref and look for something to eat. Then I finally realized that my belly's getting fatter so I pulled out my twister and started twisting. Tsk. I need to get my figure right. And after sweating a LOT, I grabbed a stick of cigarette and started puffing it. What a healthy exercise! Tsk. I grabbed my towel and directed to the bathroom.

We watched "Night at the Musuem" by Ben Stiller. A funny movie. One of Stiller's good movies. After having the couches pressed by our big fat ass's, we crowded the kitchen and prepared our dinner. We used "Del Monte Chicken Mix", a colleague gave. They were busy following my instructions as I was dictating it. Hekhek.

And when I was settled on bed already on pajama, my mind was engaged with this poem I was creating for my bebeh, our phone rang. Here's my bebeh missing me. Yihee! He just said goodnight and dominated me to go to sleep.

Wait, we finally watched the film 300 last Saturday using the free ticket our boss spared to us. This man is so generous. He often invites us on lunch and it's still fresh on my mind when he offered us a trip to Boracay. Akalain nyo yun! Wish ko lang. Ahihihi.

The movie is awesome. It's full of obscenely ridiculous action sequences that would unhallowed your stomach. With the Spartans' fighting skill it is really possible for 300 versus million.

They Can't Take That Away From Me

Mmmmh
Whoaaa

They can say,
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over
me,
And they can try
Hard to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all,
But I refuse to falter in what I believe or lose faith in my
dreams

'Cause there's,
There's a light in me,
That shines brightly,
Yes, They can try,
But they can't take that away from me
From me

No no nooo

Oh they,
They can do
Anything they want to you,
If you let them in,
But they won't ever win,
If you cling to you pride, and just push them aside,

See I..
I have learned,
There's an inner peace I own,
Something in my soul that they can not possess
So I won't be afraid and the darkness will fade

'Cause there's,
There's light in me me,
That shines brightly,
Yes, They can try,
But they can't take that away from me

No oh oh,

They can't take this
Precious love I'll always have inside me,
Certainly the Lord will guide me where I need to go

Woah, woah
They can say
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I won't face the ground,
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach,

Although they do try,
Hard to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe or lose faith in my dreams,

'Cause there's a light in me,
That shines brightly
Yes, They can try but they can't take that away from
Me
From me
No no nooo
Me

ho-hum...

As I heard it from someone’s tongue, I felt dreadful as I am. Where will I be in the next couple of weeks? Am I still stuck in this sick world of living and turn back on reality? Or will I voluntarily step out of the cave and venture to the wide ocean? I don’t need sympathy from anyone. All I need is time, to think and move. I’m strong and smart. And I know I can be to better.

Definitely!

I better turn the other cheek and move on.

Okay. How about weekend? I stuck myself in our compound. I and the boyfriend planned to go to theater but we decided to be wise and keep the money to our pockets rather than drop it to the mall’s booths’ growing cash registers. We watched the film “Ghost Rider”, a torrent I downloaded from here, in my room. The copy was a bit dark, blurred and pixilated towards the ending. Hehe. But you can get a clearer copy if you will browse the entire site. Software’s and the site I used came from my friend Ronald.

My Sunday was a long and tiring day. I did the laundry and cleaned my entire room. Oh, there was this show off man in our compound that freaked me out. I was raging to anger when he placed his bike near the table where our breakfast was seated. I asked him with all the patience left in me to turn off his engine so our food won’t get smoked. He didn’t even move and I never heard any words from him. He didn’t even bother to look at me. Ahh. Gusto ng away ha. I yelled at him “Nakakaintindi ka ba ng tagalog? Pwede bang pakipatay na ng motor mo dahil may pagkain kami dito? “. Still no words from him and after a couple of seconds he turned off the engine and left silently. Ahh. Ganun pala ha. Butas yang gulong mo iwanan mo lang yan dito. Haha! Bad!

Then after making a dark plan of how can we revenge I went to Sta. Ana church to attend the 6 o’ clock mass. Haha!

A date.

Yeah, that was a date.

It’s been a long time we haven’t go out and enjoy each other. And fortunately, yesterday he gave me the best gift a man can offer to his woman, quality T-I-M-E.

I was surprised though a bit irritated when he appeared in my working area early as expected without even informing me that he’s done, we can go then, blah. (At wala kang pakialam kung naginarte ako!) I frowned at him and he was stammering while explaining that he just wanted to surprise me. Fine!

I logged off and we silently moved out of the building.

We hailed a cab and headed to Baywalk.

While walking holding each other’s hand, we reminisce the past. Our moments in that place 3 years ago when we were just friends. Hoooo. We used to get there after work to unlax. And here are some of our erstwhile photos.



I used to have fat, round face and short hair that time. And I never wished of having that hair style again and I’m a proud owner of a slim, skinny, sexy body now. Wahaha!

After having a long, tiring walk we hunt for a cool place to dine. We eyed this long rectangular bus-like eating house with upper deck at the right side of Roxas Boulevard going North. The place was so cool. At the upper deck, you can see the enlightening view of Manila Bay and the promising sparkle of stars at the vast darkness of the sky. What a pleasant lovely night.

We finished the food with poking, bullying and unbearable laughing. Hehe. After a jolly good conversation (and it's none of your business if that's how I called it), we decided to head home. He took me home and vamoosed.

Well, all I can say is, that night he just moved me to the top of his to-do list and I greatly appreciate it.

Think. Replenish. Materialize.

Iwas miserable thinking of those shitty things that I, myself, know can never be fixed. I sympathized with my loneliness. I was doomed by my selfish desire. I became so possessive without giving thoughts to the feelings of my better half. I never listen. I only hear whole of my heart’s ranting. I was been drowned by my own greed.

I think.

Why would I make myself miserable to the things that can never be fixed? Why would I let this sucked situation affect my entire life? What will I gain for being such a bitch? NOTHING. I’m just becoming a WOE. Woe is ME.

I replenish.

To be able to survive this relationship and live my life in extreme felicity. I should learn how to love myself. Unless I love myself, it’s hard for me to believe that anyone else will. When I love myself, in spite of failings and weaknesses I may have, I will feel confident and strong. Then like him. And enjoy being with him, NOT for the cruel reason that I just feel I need him to survive.

If he can’t give me quality T-I-M-E because of admissible reasons, I need to be more patient. I should be more understanding. I should be more supportive. I should find ways to fill my emptiness. How? Flirting is the lamest answer. Course, by making myself busy.

All of these replenish me and I know, someday, blissfulness will materialize.

Okay, enough for the drama.

If you’re aware (and I’m very well sure you are) of the song Irreplaceable by Beyonce, well here’s the male version of it, interpreted by Show No Love. The songs that have other gender version are greatly desired these days. Like the song Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, there was a male version of it sung by Elvin Costello. It was used as the ending song from one of the episodes of House Season 2. So Sick by Ne-Yo, has a female version (Ex-girlfriend). Fuck You by Eamon and the version of Fuck You Right Back by Frankee. And now, here’s the male version of Irreplaceable (To The Right).

I knew it will come out. Hehe.

For your total pleasure. I posted the lyrics with the audio track.

This is from a man's point of view
Fellas sometimes we gotta tell them ladies
To the right To the right
Aha yea get the stepin'
To the right To the right
To the right To the right
That's where I'm going in the middle of the night

In the closet that's your stuff
but trick i brought it so bitch don't touch
You talk a lot of bullshit all right
but while you walk and talk
I'mma get mine now
It's my name thats on your lass
You bald-headed rat trying to get rid of that

Back up out my face broad I'm really not trying to talk to you
Talking about I'm never gonna find a girl like you
You must got me fucked up

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in an hour
matter fact shes up stairs in the shower-baby

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can find another you on the corner
So don't you every for a second get to thinking your irreplaceable

Trick give me my phone
So I can call my chick and see if she's home
Oh shit I forgot that shes already home
What did you think I was putting you out for
Cause you was unreal kinda like the horse that is sitting on the back of your head
Baby fix them teeth seeing your
face is so old to me
Back up out my face broad I'm really not trying to talk to you
Telling me I'm never finding a girl like you
Boy you got me so damn twisted

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
'Coz I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact she'll drive up in a minute baby

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in an hour
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking ~ your irreplaceable

So since I'm not your everything
I'm not giving you anything
Nothing at all to you
Baby I'm not giving you nothing noway
Go ahead and shed your tears
Cause the truth of the matter is replacing you was the last tear

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

Gotta gotta go the the ri-ight

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

To the right To the right
To the right To the right

So don't you every for a second get to thinking
what?
get to thinking
what?
get to thinking your irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in a minute
matter fact she'll be here in a minute baby
You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can have another you in an hour
matter fact she's upstairs in the shower ohhh

You must not know about me
You must think I'm playing
I can find another you baby
theres so many of you baby

you must not know about me (two timing)
you must think I'm playing (back stabbin, heifer-lyin)

Always needing
I need something but the truth is
You have always been replaceable ohhh
Please see yourself out this way

Balentayns

Parang kelan lang nagbalot at nagbukas ako ng regalo at bumati ng walang kamatayang "Meri Krismas". Tapos ilang linggo lang nagsindi ako ng lusis at sinalubong ang pagpalit ng taon, sabay sigaw ng "Hapi Nyu Yir!" Ngayon naman araw ng mga puso. Ang bilis ng panahon noh? Bukas makalawa Mahal na Araw na, Pyesta ng mga patay tapos Krismas ulit. Hehe.

Panay ang tunog ng telepono ko kaninang umaga. Tu-toot. Tu-toot. Mga matatamis na pagbati galing sa mga di nakakalimot na kaibigan. Nakakatuwa naman talaga. Kulay pula ang buong paligid. Di dahil sa pagdanak ng dugo ha. Dahil sa magagandang pulang rosas na nagkalat. Mapabangketa o mall pa. Hanggang dito sa loob ng building namin, nakapila ang mga mamahaling bulaklak. E dios mio naman. Nuknukan naman ng mahal ng bulaklak nila! Parang executives lang ang may karapatang magbigay at mabigyan ng bulaklak.

Nga pala, unang Balentayns ko to na may jowa. Yihee! Pero parang pang-karaniwang araw lang. Parang tulad din ng mga nagdaang Araw ng Puso. Yun nga lang may katabi ka na sa upuan. Dati pag lumalabas kami. Grupo. Ngayon. Grupo pa din. Haha! Kasi ang laki na nya e. Hehe.

Sa bagay, ala naman talagang dapat ipagdiwang. Basta alam nyo sa isa't isa nagmamahalan kayo. Hindi lang sa araw ng puso kundi sa bawat minuto, oras o araw na dumaan. Alam mo na may isang taong laging nasa tabi mo. Nagmamahal sayo. Yihee! Ewan ko. Nakokornihan kasi ako dun sa mga babaeng maihi-ihi na sa sobrang kilig pag binibigyan ng bulaklak. Tulad kaninang umaga. May nag-door bell na lalakeng pusturang-pustura na may bitbit na bulaklak at tsokolate. Sa isip-isip ko, sosyal naman ng nagpadala ng roses na to. Kailangan bang naka-tie pa yung magdadala?! Yun pala jowa na yun ng ka-opisina ko. Super kilig naman si babae nung nakita.

"Ay ano yan?" (Malamang bulaklak. Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita nyan? Dios Mio!) "Ano to? Ano ka ba? Ahihihi. Sipain kita jan e." (Kita mo. Binigyan ka na nga ng bulaklak, nanipa ka pa. Gad!)

Sabay hatak kay manong...este...sa jowa nya palabas. "Ahihihi...ahihihi"

Hindi naman ako nagiinarte dahil sa wala akong rosas noh! Di ko nakahiligan ang bulaklak. Aanhin ko naman yun? E wala naman akong vase dito sa opis o sa bahay. Tsokolate pwede pa. Hehe. Mas mainam pa siguro kung cash na lang o pakainin ako sa mamahaling resto. Wahehe. Pero gudlak. Kailangan namin maghigpit ng sinturon. Sa panahon ng krisis, bawal magpakakorni. Kumain lang kami ng sabay, okay na. Swit na kami nun. Hehe. E kanina ngang umaga. Buti na lang naka-diaper ako. Maihi-ihi ba naman ako sa kilig dahil tong lalakeng to, minsan lang magsulat to. Bigyan ba naman ako ng letter na nakasulat sa mahabang papel na kung saan lang nya napulot at nakapulupot sa wire. Parang yung papel ng resibo sa grocery. Tapos yung panali na ginamit ng mokong e yung wire pang-bundle ng kurdon. O di ba ang swit. Pero pramis. Natuwa ako nung nabasa ko. Minsan lang nga kasi magsulat to. Parang bata yung nagsulat. Haha! Puro kakornihan. Hahaha. Pero in-fairness lab na lab ako ni mokong. Yihee!!!

O syasya, Hapi Balentayns!

Gudlak sa akin mamayang gabi. Malamang uuwi na naman akong magisa neto at kakain sa boarding house mag-isa. Gusto ko ngang regaluhan ng malaking orasan tong lalakeng to e. Balak ko sanang tungkabin yung orasan sa City Hall ng Maynila para ibigay sa lalakeng to na lagi na lang walang oras. Hmp!

Pfft

It's Saturday again.

On my way here to the office, I rode to this jeepney with, whick I think, an insane driver. I took the front seat not knowing the man would be beside me is incredulously crazy. He talks a lot. I just smiled at him everytime he speaks to me. I grew up keeping my Mom's advocacy "Do not talk to strangers." even he looks appreciative. It alarmed me when his hand forcefully shook my head yelling to another jeepney driver beside us, "Look! Pretty! Pretty!". I almost blew up and killed that lanky old man. I can't do anything. I just scowled at him. It didn't stop there. He keeps on talking. "Wag mong isipin yun. Mahal ka nun. Kung panget ka iiwan ka nun. E pretty ka naman e. Di ka iiwan nun." What the... Can you please stop talking or I'll kill you with my bare hands?! Grrr. He even slapped my left leg saying "Manay! Wag mo sinabing isipin yun e."

Ampf! Pwede ba?!

Thank God I reached my destination committing no sin. Grrr.

***********

Tomorrow's my Mom's birthday. I don't have any gift to her. I'll just treat her in middle-class restaurant and probably stroll with her the whole afternoon inside the mall. I'm running out of stocks and I don't have two pennies to rub together. Besides my Mom is not possessive. She's contented of what you can offer to her. I love her that way.

I'll bring the boyfriend to my hometown to celebrate with my Mom.

Goodluck to another weekend.

Someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, someday.

Why is this song making me feel uncomfortable? A bit of guilt inside my throat. And why would I act guilty? I just feel sad to the person involve. And I don't want to repeat her story.

*************************************
She texted me. She wanted to see me. Okay, no problem. I agreed hastily. I gave her the liberty to choose the day, time and place of our meeting.

All of a sudden, she changed her mind. I received her message early morning canceling our meeting. "What's in this woman?!" I just replied, okay. Then I received this disturbing message: "I just realized we have nothing to talk about. You won. You have him and I left here all alone. Hope someday marealize mo yung pinasok mong complicated na sitwasyon."

What the...

I simply replied: "Don't worry, I'll take care of him. Hope you find peace and happiness."

*************************************

Hope she already found another love. I really prayed for her peace of mind.

Anyway, I had an awkward dream last night. I'm lying with another man. Think he's the boy next door. And why would I dream of him? Hmmmn. Ala lang. I just feel that he has a crush on me. Coz I always caught him stealing looks on me. Hahaha! Haliparot!

strong but weak

It made me think twice if I'll going to post this entry or just keep it unopened. But since I'm already here and have the nerve to write, why not?

I’m in a stew when someone scolded me. Anyway, almost everyone feel bad especially when they know, in their heart, they made mistakes. I dunno if I am being unreasonably obstinate. Throwing deadly look to the one lecturing or scolding me. Answering impolitely. Bitching.

I pretend to be strong but the truth is I’m chicken-hearted. I want to run to someone who will make me feel better. Someone who will make me realize the lessons I should learn from committing those mistakes. And for the record, I talk a lot. “What’s with him/her? He/She doesn’t know what he/she is talking about. Is he/she out of his/her mind? Blah blah blah.”

In the long run, I will keep my mouth shut, admit my mistakes and learn from it.

But for many reasons admitting mistakes is difficult. In our culture, an implication of work represents us: if you fail a test, then you are a failure. If you make a mistake then you are a mistake. And we can hardly accept failure and mistake.

And here are some of the things I consider in learning from my mistakes.

1. Growth starts when you can see room for improvement. You cannot be better if you don’t experience mistakes.
2. Work to understand the mistake until you can make fun of it (or not want to kill others that make fun).
3. You can’t change mistakes, but you can choose how to respond to them.

With these, I can barely feel the bitterness.

I pity this man who has his finger in every pie. He, who works hard and gives his full support to his men. He never complains. He rarely speaks his voice if his men did mistakes. He can’t even make fast decisions. He’s always behind time of everything. He can’t even go to a barber shop to trim down his hair. He has NO social life. How pity it is, right? Tsk.

negative...

Now I know why the PPD test is not included in the annual health check-up. Was it me who said that? Moron. It’s a tuberculin skin test and it is done to see if you have ever had TB. And thank God I’m negative. As I experienced and do the research at the same time, PPD is done by putting a small amount of antigens under the top layer of skin on inner forearm. If I have ever been exposed to the TB bacteria, my skin will react to the antigens by developing a firm red bump at the site within two days. I was injected TB protein last Friday and I went back yesterday for reading. Yeah, my skin swelled up 5mm in diameter and is reddish but that doesn’t mean I am positive to one of the killer diseases on earth and besides there are effective treatments of TB nowadays. Living in a Third World country is not an excuse to lock yourself in your room and cry your eyes out.

Coincidentally, the episode I watched last night of House Season 2 is entitled “TB or Not TB”.

There was this famous doctor who becomes inexplicably ill while rendering service in Africa. He was sent to Dr. House for treatment. He knew he has a contagious disease he got from his patients in Africa, TB. But House didn’t buy that. He held his own study together with his assistants Chase, Cameron and of course Foreman. Sebastian (the famous ill doctor) called a press conference and while having his speech, House rushed to him and focused the light on his face. He’s turning yellow and pale. House announced that he’s having a cardiac arrest. What a brilliant son of a bitch doctor. He faced the camera and shouted “That is not TB!” After running a test (blood sugar test), they found out that he has a tumor.

My interest is growing more with this TV series House. I’m learning to like this pompous ass doctor, House. He has a strong, brilliant, domineering character that will surely raise your eyebrows. Haha.

Anyway, back to the tutorial. I’m refreshing my web developing skill. I need a part time job. My current job is not enough to pay the bills. A blue-collar job doesn’t matter unless it’s decent and will not harass me, physically and emotionally. Um. Waitress? Haha. Adik!

It’s getting worst.

When I was taking a bath yesterday morning, I coughed with blood. Hell yeah, blood! And it’s very unusual. I never experienced coughing with blood. I was terrified so I quickly splashed the cold water continuously onto my body and hurriedly went upstairs to inform my Mom and of course my Boyfriend. Then after a few minutes my phone rang. Here’s the boyfriend to the rescue. He told me to see a doctor, immediately. Well, for sure, with what had happened, I really need to seek a doctor’s touch.

We met at the corner of our streets and directed to an associate medical service of our company for free check-up. I met Dr. Santos-Cacal, an affable person. Well, I guess I don’t need to repeat what she said verbatim. She advised me to undergo some tests and X-RAY. From some sort of two tests and an X-RAY it went to an annual check-up so the company will shoulder all the expenses. I just paid PHP250 for the PPD test and for some unknown reason it is not included in the annual health check-up so I settled the payment from my own pocket.

Arrgh. I really hate going to hospitals or clinics.

They took my urine for analysis. They pierced me with this needle, that I'm scared of, on my right arm and get enough blood for analysis. And PPD really hurts. They injected me this liquid-medicine-from-a-vial and as the fluid accumulated into my cell, an upswelling occurred in my skin. Ouch!

We lay our hope that the blood was caused only by a strained throat. Our fingers are crossed waiting for the result next week.

Huuummn.

It's Saturday again and by this time, I will go to my hometown. I miss my Mom and my sister. In this time of my life, I need TLC from a mother.

Same Script, Different Cast

Font color coding:
Present girl.
Girl from the past.
Together.

I know he's leaving me for you
Who said that, who told you
That is true
What is he telling you
Could it be the same things that he told me

He told me that he loved me
(I heard that)
he told me I was beautiful
how did you know, how did you know
cause I played the scene before

CHORUS
This is a retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
Now the roles have changed
And you're the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now, cause it won't last
Same script, different cast

What you're saying could be true
But how can I take advice from you
I'm not hating
But I wish the one before me
Would have warned me too

Don't say no more (lalalala)
Uncover your ears girl
I'm not listening (lalalala)
But I know you hear me
Maybe my reasons are wrong
But I know that you believe me

CHORUS
It's your fault you didn't love him enough
That's the problem
I loved him too much
And when you love him
He becomes unattracted to you

Oh no, he's changed and I'll prove you wrong
So go away, leave us the hell alone
He loves me (he'll hurt you)
He'll stay with me (he'll leave you)
For sure, for sure

CHORUS
This is a retake of my life (of your life)
I was his star for many nights
Now the roles have changed
And you're the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now (just watch us now)
Cause it won't last (I know it will last)
Same script, different cast

This is a retake of your life
You were his star for many nights
But now the roles have changed
I'm the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now, cause this will last
I'm his future, you're his past


This song just reminds me of the battle I've been before.