strong but weak

It made me think twice if I'll going to post this entry or just keep it unopened. But since I'm already here and have the nerve to write, why not?

I’m in a stew when someone scolded me. Anyway, almost everyone feel bad especially when they know, in their heart, they made mistakes. I dunno if I am being unreasonably obstinate. Throwing deadly look to the one lecturing or scolding me. Answering impolitely. Bitching.

I pretend to be strong but the truth is I’m chicken-hearted. I want to run to someone who will make me feel better. Someone who will make me realize the lessons I should learn from committing those mistakes. And for the record, I talk a lot. “What’s with him/her? He/She doesn’t know what he/she is talking about. Is he/she out of his/her mind? Blah blah blah.”

In the long run, I will keep my mouth shut, admit my mistakes and learn from it.

But for many reasons admitting mistakes is difficult. In our culture, an implication of work represents us: if you fail a test, then you are a failure. If you make a mistake then you are a mistake. And we can hardly accept failure and mistake.

And here are some of the things I consider in learning from my mistakes.

1. Growth starts when you can see room for improvement. You cannot be better if you don’t experience mistakes.
2. Work to understand the mistake until you can make fun of it (or not want to kill others that make fun).
3. You can’t change mistakes, but you can choose how to respond to them.

With these, I can barely feel the bitterness.

I pity this man who has his finger in every pie. He, who works hard and gives his full support to his men. He never complains. He rarely speaks his voice if his men did mistakes. He can’t even make fast decisions. He’s always behind time of everything. He can’t even go to a barber shop to trim down his hair. He has NO social life. How pity it is, right? Tsk.