Nanay's Day

Before start bitching again, Happy Mom’s day to all mothers out there.

Even my Mom is not my idol as I always heard and saw on TV ads for the past days, I greeted her through text for the special day only offered to mothers in the world. I also greeted my boyfriend’s mom. We went out to treat my Mom and my Tita who have angst to her family. I feel sorry for her as she should be treated special today by her family but what happened was opposite of what she’s expecting. Anyways, she enjoyed our company.

I regale them to Max’s restaurant at SM Karuhatan. The restaurant was full. What do we expect? Ang dating nilalangaw na resto ngayon pinipilihan. We need to wait for two groups to finish before we can be seated. After 30 minutes of waiting, we finally had our ass’s plowed on their comfy chairs. I already had my order before we get seated but we still need to wait for a couple of minutes to fill our agonizing stomachs.

Food were great. I ordered for a half-table of their Menu letter C which includes kare-kare, sinigang na hipon, one whole fried chicken, dinaeng na bangus, lechon kawali and dessert. Yay. We enjoyed the food but my card cried after the glorious meal. Huhu. Okay lang. Minsan lang naman. Hehe.

Ironic

I was chatting to a friend yesterday and our topic was her life insurance. She needs to remit 33 grand annually to that insurance in ten consecutive years to be able to get 1 Million when she died at any cause. Where’s the excitement there when you will no longer enjoy what you planted. I’m really not into any insurance, especially life insurance. You’re already preparing something for someone when you died. And most of the cases, when that someone knew it, they would pray for your death. Bwahaha.

When I was about to go home to catch for my favorite TV show, my colleagues invited me to come with them to meet someone. They persuaded me for a free food. Hehe. As I’ve heard they will meet an agent from a prestige insurance company. Fuck! I was just talking to a friend and discouraging her to that insurance and now I will dine to an insurance agent who will do her best to convince me to get one. WTF. I just found myself entering to Burgoo, meeting the lady, asking questions and lately signing the contract. Haha. How stupid isn’t it?

Life is so ironic. Humorously mocking as what you expected is different from what actually is. Pfft.

I prayed for this job and I got it. I wished to belong to this company and I am now working in it. Eight months passed, I struggled to survive and when I won the glory I just felt chill of passion. I don’t feel like working in it any longer and I want to move out as soon as possible. Isn’t it ironic? You’re dying for something and when you get that something, you would just lose the taste of it.

Life is making fun of us. Everyday of our living we encounter irony.

You wake up early to get to work early and then you will just find yourself, stuck in the middle of a traffic jam. You will go to church to pray but suddenly your eyes are sneaking to the woman’s bare long legs. You won a car in a lottery but you don’t know how to drive. You’re on a diet when a friend treats you in a buffet restaurant. A rain on your date. An important message to reply when you ran out of load. A great dream that you regret to have.

Things like that. Funny isn’t it? Just learn how to deal with it. J

Axis Summer Outing 2008

It was my first time to join the Axis’ Summer Outing. I really wouldn’t want to as I felt belittled by the crowd of this huge company. I signed the waiver under my own free will not to join the trip. Apparently, the HRA sent a memorandum that all employees failed to file a leave on that day will be considered AWOL and won’t get paid even on holiday as per labor code. I still don’t get the benefit of having a leave with pay. I will be entitled of that privilege after a year of service in the company. So, I didn’t have the choice but to catch on the trip. Two days without pay is a big lost for me.

April 5, 2008 4:45AM. I and the boyfriend hailed a cab at the corner of their street. Ampy called with a loud voice rushing us. If I could just let this cab fly to get there on time, I would.

5:15AM. Four buses are halted in the corner of North Road. We walked over the place searching for our designated bus. There it was at the last row. I kissed and waved goodbye to Alben as I boarded the bus. The dawn is breaking when we left Cubao. I didn’t have the vim and vigor to socialize so I took out my iPod, put the earphones and sleep. I can still hear Ampy’s loud voice even the volume of my iPod’s in its maximum level. Nobody can beat Ampy when she talks. Pft. We stopped over in Pampanga, distributed our breakfast from the most selling fast-food chain in our country with hotdog, scrambled egg and rice. As Ampy desired, it would be more enjoyable if served in sunny side up and red hotdog. Choosy. Anyway, we didn’t finish it. She kept hers and shared with my mine.

We can feel the heat as we were driving through the serene, humble and pleasing sceneries of Bataan. It’s exactly 9AM when we reached the resort. A pool and beach resort. A huge streamer of Axis Global welcomed us. After scanning the whole place, we donned our swim suits and the whole crew poses beside the pool area for company picture taking. The program proper started. Karaoke contest, Mr. and Ms. Bodyshot then we went to the beach area for the games, Tug-O-War and Obstacle. We laughed out loud watching the players sinking in the sand, eating dusts, trampling on and demolishing the obstacles when they pass through. Haha. It was so much fun.

After the games, we went back to the pool area for lunch. They kept on pushing me to sing but they didn’t succeed. Hello! I won’t dishonor myself in front of 200 people. After filling up our empty stomachs we wandered around the beach area and enjoy our free time to do whatever we want. The water is clear and chilling. We played volleyball in the water. SSG vs Telco Sales. Haha. Most of our players are giants so the SSG frightened us that they will not encode our orders if they lose. Haha. Gen walked to the end of the beach, near the cave. We followed her and took pictures over there. They covered me with sand and molded tits and penis over me. The sand is heavy. I felt pain on my chest. Thinking crossed my mind, “It’s hard and horrific to be buried alive.” Sir Norman shared his rented kayat after getting tired of paddling. Hehe. I yanked it and they push me over to get into the boat. Ma’am Mean and Lynette is with me. We row and row and tired ourselves. Argh. We went to the shore and start tripping with our guys. The ladies covered the guys with sand and molded tits and penis again. Hehe. Ma’am Lynette and I posed in seductive look as they took pictures of us.

When we felt our skin is getting darker and painful from the heat of the sun, we gathered together and went to shower room. Though it was not actually a room since it is open. People are passing us by. Argh

We ate snack and bounded to our designated terminals to go back home.

New Year, New Plans, New Targets

I’m here in our house, alone. My Mom, sis and her girlfriend went to my brother’s house in celebration of leap of year. I preferred not to come as I have my period and fuckin’ cramps that’s making me feel immobile and unsociable at the moment. After moving out from my boarding house at San Andres, I’ve never been this serene. This kind of moment, facing to my laptop, blogging my whims.

After working for months to my new second home, I can say that I finally adjusted to this kind of job. Dealing with different kinds of people. Testing your patience. Working in an environment where you need to wear a mask. Not just one, but a variety of it. In this career, you will find yourself awarded, appraised and deceived. In time, you will learn how to play the game and go along with these strangers. No friendship to treasure. No room for procrastination. You need to be active all the time. Smart and warm when talking to clients. Tough, wise and sassy when coordinating to bitches of that fucking support group. The only perks in working here are the benefits that this multi-million company will give you and SECURITY in life that this robust company will provide you.

Anyways, I enjoy working here because I never felt this busy before and I love dealing with clients.

Reborn

New environment, new people, new work, new place…everything leads to loneliness. I started last Monday (September 3, 2007) to my new work in Cubao. I had a hard time adjusting to my new working place. Aside from being far to my boarding house, the type of transportation I took was a pain in ass. Here’s my new routine. I will wake up at 6am, prepare and leave at 7:15am. At Guadalupe Ilalim, I will walk in the circular sidewalk going to MRT station. Fall in line to the entrance for bag inspection and run to the rear for the women’s section. It will only take me 20 mins to get to Cubao station. Buy a doughnut and start walking 1km from the station to our office while grabbing a bite per step. Ho-hum. Tedious isn’t it? But then, I wasn’t bothered by the pain it was giving me instead I offer every step I take to my love ones and especially to the One Above who gave me another chance.

The days passed were so boring. I don’t have workstation yet. I haven’t enrolled yet. So I was just staring at them while they were so busy with their work but as they told me, they also experienced what I am experiencing now. One of them even told me that it took him four days gaping at his colleagues, doing nothing. The work is fine. Easy as I can see.

What’s making me so lonely is having been apart from my behalf. Being far from him tears my heart. Last night I cried missing him a lot. Hindi ako sanay na mawalay ng matagal sa kanya. Even a day. We’ve been together for four years and three months since we work at MRM. At biglang magkakahiwalay na lang because of my moved from work. Di ko talaga kaya. Nasanay ako na kasama sya lagi. Everyday that God made, we’re together. Pagpasok sa office, lunch break, snack break at pag-uwi. Namimiss ko yung naglalakad kami sa Makati Ave. dalawa habang nag-aasaran. Sabay kakain tas ihahatid nya ako dito sa house. Minsan tumatambay pa sya ditto para makipagkwentuhan pa sa akin. Namimiss ko yun ng sobra. 2 days pa lang pero sobrang namimiss ko. Di ko talaga kaya malayo sa mahal ko. Naiisip ko tuloy, what if I ask him to marry me. Ako na yung magtatanong o magpropropose para magkasama na kami lagi. Wala na talagang iwanan. But I know he has his own dreams that he wants to achieve and I have a responsibility with my Mom and sister. Pero sobrang nalulungkot ako. Hindi ko kaya yung kalungkutan. Kanina sa jeep pauwi, nadaaanan ko yung place na lagi naming pinagaabangan ng jeep pauwi. Corner Makati Ave. J. P. Rizal. Dun sa kanto na yun lagi kami nagaasaran. Sampalan, kurutan, tulakan. Nung dumaan yung jeep na sinasakyan ko kanina, di napigilang tumulo ng luha ko. Until now while doing this journal, I can’t stop my tears from falling. I miss him so much. We keep on texting each other. Updating each other. Pero iba pa rin yung kasama mo sya. Nafifeel mo yung care and love nya. Haaayy. Sabi ng kuya Michael ko “Insan isipin mong magbuti ang pag-aasawa. Hindi pwedeng isoli yan. Make sure na sya na talaga”. When I read his text message, I just thought, he’s really the one. I want to marry him and be with him for the rest of my life. 

Last night nandito sya. Umiyak ako ng todo sa kanya. Hagulgol ako ng todo. Sobrang namiss ko sya but we need to be tough. Pagsubok lang yan. Kakayanin namin to. Pasasaan ba’t magiging maligaya din kaming dalawa with our love ones.

He’s on his way to UST hospital now. He will visit Tita. Nagpaconfine daw kasi nahihilo at mababa ang BP. Gusto ko sana sya samahan. Gusto ko din dumalaw kaso I have work tomorrow. I need to sleep early to be able to regain from the past nights’ lack of sleep. I think I should just end this and prepare for sleep. Pray for our safetiness and for my peace of mind. =)

Step Forward

I just made a tough decision in my life. It made me think for months and finally, I made up my mind. The dark clouds that covering the path that I should be walking, at long last, vanished. I can see the track clearly now. The fears that I were holding, plainly melted. The questions were answered. Oh god, what took me so long to settle?

I need to move out. I need some changes. I need to have goals in life. Yes, I’ve been working for four years, and just working for nothing. I don’t have destinations. I work today to be able to survive tomorrow. Tsk. I wasn’t aware that there’s a great life waiting for me outside that box. I was succumbed by the short-term happiness that it was giving me. The leisure at work that I could never get to others. Time is running. I need to run fast before it caught me. I just knew there are plenty of fishes in the shore. I need to taste all of them. Not just be contented of what I got. Life is short so I will live it to the fullest. Make the most out of it. Remove the fears and venture to something what you feel suits you. Leave the past behind and step into the new world that’s waiting for you with a smile.

I’d just like to thank that person who enlightened me. Thanks for making me tough. Thanks for making me decide. Thanks for bringing me down. It just made me strong. I don’t want to hold grudges before I leave instead I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you were not an asshole to me, I guess I wouldn’t know the true meaning of life. Living in peace, serenity, bliss and security. If you weren’t a cocky, I will just stick myself into that small fucking cubicle and day-dream. So, thank you.

Time to step forward.

10th Monthsary

I was surprised by a bouquet of flowers sited on my table this morning when I stormed into the office. The first time I received a bouquet from my behalf. It’s the 10th month of our relationship. I ran to him and hugged him. I wasn’t expecting that. In return, I sent an ecard to him with these words:

“Beh, I don’t like the feeling when we are walking holding hands with some people staring us. You know why? Because they go GREEN WITH ENVY. I just want to tell them: Sorry, he’s already mine.”

We were so sweet the whole day. That’s the good thing of sharing your inner feelings to your behalf. The love inside of us grows stronger.

petiks

Haven't wrote anything for a couple of weeks. Been busy with work and stuff and...weeee...I'm one of the owners of laptop now!!! I just bought a 10-month-used DELL Inspiron 600m laptop last Saturday. Me and the boyfriend pushed to SM Megamall to pick-up this thingy. The unit is in very good condition and the specs? Don't dare me. Haha! Pentium 4 processor in 1.3 Ghz speed with 512MB of RAM. DVD/CD RW combo. 40GB HDD. WIFI ready. San ka pa? :P

The boyfriend warned me as he's getting jealous with it. Haha! He said, sooner or later it will get my full attention and I will surely snob him when he's in my place. :D

And today, I've been surprised by a bouquet of flowers sited on my table. His present in celebration of our 10th monthsary. I kidded him "Kulang na lang sash at stand ah." Haha! Love this man. Yihee!

SERENITY

I was down last night and due to intolerable heartache that I was feeling, I initiate the settlement of the problem. I texted him. “Still awake? I can’t sleep. I will not let end another night troubled. Why are these things happening to us? I’m too weak to face it. My heart is pounding and I feel so disturbed. I’m still hanging.” After a couple of seconds, he called. I can’t control my emotion so I cried a lot on the phone. He insisted to come over my place and talk.

After 20 minutes, he was knocking on my door. I hugged him tight and cried to him and softly whisper to him “Bati na tayo ha.” then sob and sob. Ahihihi. I’m so childish. But he love it. =)

Then this morning, Paul woke me up. At first, he asked if I will come with him in the grocery. I won’t as I already bought my shampoo, conditioner and stuff. Then he went down. And he came back banging on my door… “Eya buksan mo tong pinto! Kailangan kong makita yung laptop mo.” Hahaha. So I yanked the door open to let him in and gave the laptop to him.

We went down. Grabbed a bite of his tuna sandwich, smoked and went out to Puregold. It took us 2 hours in buying. Grr. He’s so picky. There’s this incident that he asked for assistance of all the staffs just for the stock of a big size conditioner. Pft.

When we got back to the house, I cleaned my room, brought my used clothes to laundry shop, refilled my water and ate to Akiks. As I got back in the house, Tito Jer asked me where have I gone and told me that he was looking for me for lunch. Hehe.

Then I brought down part of my laundry and washed it.

I finished at around 3:30 PM and took a rest.

My bebeh texted me at around 4PM and invited me on a dinner.

I heard the mass at Sta. Ana church and dine with him after the ceremony.

That’s for today. I almost lost him. I thought it’s the end of my love story but God cleared my mind and helped us get over the problem. =)

Is it the end of an era?

Here’s another story of my life that I felt hanging.

I woke up early this morning forgotten the angst I had the other night. He went to his choir friends last night and went home almost too late. I didn’t argue with him coz it will also pass. Okay. The next morning, as I open my eyes, I hastily yanked my cellphone and checked for his msgs. And I was never wrong; in fact he was calling me. I was about to answer him but the ringing stopped so I just replied to his txt msg. So the issue last night was over. I told him that I’m okay and we will go out at around 2PM to fetch this thingy. Yeah. I just bought this laptop from a nice woman and I’m so lucky to buy it at a very cheap price. Everything went well. We saw this book stand in the mall that was on sale. I persuaded him to buy me a book using my charm. (As I’m always doing.) And yes, everything was okay. We went home very excited with my new laptop.

At home, he checked the unit and pause a little to rest before have our dinner. We were lying on bed while I was reading the book he bought to him. Then suddenly he brought up a topic. He remembered the letter he saw in my bag last Friday while he was searching for my stolen money. I didn’t expect that he will sneakily read it. Then he asked me what it is all about. He pushed me to tell the truth; well the truth is I wrote it for him few days ago. It’s all about my feeling of being neglected. The sweetness he had with me in the youth of our relationship. The sweetness I’m longing. The sentiments of a woman to his man. In ten months of our relationship, I never received a single rose from him. The act of sweetness of a man to his woman. Well, let’s say that he’s really not that type and I should accept him as he is. I shouldn’t change him that’s why that letter didn’t reach him. But he pushed me to tell what‘s in the letter. He brought it up. And my feeling turned back. I brought back the past. The instance I saw him with full of joy in his eyes when he saw that shop where he bought his present for his ex. The joy I never saw to him in our ten months of relationship. I felt bitter. Yes I did. That’s why these words spilled out to my tongue. “Do you really love me or you just love the idea of me?” He blew to madness. He punched the walls and the door and yell outside my room. I pulled him inside to avoid scandal. But he was pushing me away. He held my arms and hardly punches to his head. Ho-hum. He’s hurting me. He went out and wore his shoes. I thought he will leave so I shut the door and turned off the light. He opened it using his duplicate key and confronted me. Are we not going to eat? (Um…I thought you will going to leave.) I didn’t answer nor move. He sat and talk and talk and talk. Blah blah blah. Then the last piece of patience in me broke up. I shouted at him. Then he left, leaving these final words; “We will never get over this thing. We will never understand each other. You’re expecting too much from me which I think I can no longer give. I better leave before I can do anything that I’ll regret.”

I thought it was over. I cannot believe. I felt numb. Is it really over? Did he make his final decision? I went out to buy food with thoughts hanging in my head. I went to Tito Jer and burst out in crying. I lost my appetite. I cannot eat. I want to think. I want to know the real score. Is it really over? So I texted him. “I’m not expecting anything from you. If you insist that you will never reach my expectations, then I’m sorry. It’s your decision.” He called out and we spoke but he was still crying and shouting to madness. I told him to cool down and so he was to me. We ended up hanging. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Hope everything will be settled. I will sleep now with disturbing thoughts. Wish me good luck.

habol sa summer

Last weekend, we went on outing at Laiya Batangas with the boyfriend's friends. (Sabit lang ako :P) The trip took almost 4 hours and when we're on the road, we saw eerie, gruesome vehicular accidents. A wrecked jeepney bumped by a rusty truck. I don't know if there's any one that got hurt but the most frightful scene we encountered, and probably the most morbid scene I saw in my whole life, right in front of my very eyes the corpse of a man in his motorcycle with head crashed by a heavy vehicle and part of his brain scattered on the road. Argh. I almost blew after seeing it. I was in shock for about 15 mins then prayed for the dead man's soul and for our safety.

Anyway, we reached the resort safe and on the right time. Lunch time! Hehe. We hastily dropped our things in the room and fell in line at the buffet. Took a short rest and explore the place. Actually, it's a beach and pool resort as what I was expecting. There were hot gals wandering around and apparently our boys' eyes were enjoying the scene. Bleh. His friends are cool. I didn't get a hard time hanging with them. They were warm and friendly. At syempre, di mawawala ang kadramahan naming dalawa. We went over an argument. O di ba?! Umeksena pa kaming dalawa. I-spoil daw ang outing ng barkada. We were like statues in the swing for a couple of minutes. Some of his friends passed us by and persuaded us to swim but we didn't bother to move. We just stayed there and spoke nothing. At eto pa, Rona took us a pic. We're both at the end of the swing and awkwardly smiled. Haha! Ampf ang drama! I felt a bit of a shame and talked to him to settle things. And when it was getting darker as the night bit, we joined them holding hands. Haha! Ampf talaga!

At syempre, moments na naman yun. We spent the night together. Yihee...though, there were still few dramatic moments. Wahehe. Drama princess ito e.

His friends don't love camera. They were quite shy...just take a look at our tons of photos in my friendster. Hehe. Starting in the morning before leaving, they started taking pics. Inside the van. Upon arriving at the resort. Inside the room. At the beach. At the pool. While singing and dancing. They really don't like posing and being captured. Hehehe.

I really enjoyed their company. :)

San ka pa?!

How do I spell my last week's ramblings? T-I-R-I-N-G. My last week's activities were pretty exhausting but the reward I gained really paid the price. Sometimes you need to stretch a little bit to get what you desire instead of pigging out in your stamping ground. Expose yourself to society and learn more. Hmn. Did I socialize? I don't think so. Haha! At least I experienced dining and roaming in high class restaurants and places. Be with elites in high society. Nuh..I don't feel like pretending rich but I basked in gaping these busy, full-bodied fellas. That opportunity is very seldom so I grabbed and enjoyed it to the fullest. Bah! You're eating high-class food while earning. San ka pa? Nevertheless, you will die to boredom. Pft. Anyhow, me and the sister benefit here. O di ba? Hinatak ko pa kapatid ko. And she already brought the bacon home.

I'm disposing my old Nokia 6600 and planning to get an SE handset or if I will get the boyfriend's benevolence with my battling eyelashes and charm, I might get an O2 XDA Mini. Wahaha! Goodluck!

This is what I'm dreaming of. The smallest PDA phone in the market. Runs on the Intel PXA 272 416 MHz processor, and is powered by the second edition of MS Windows Mobile 2003 Pocket PC Phone OS. So tools and applications like Word, Excel, Outlook®, Internet Explorer, PowerPoint® and PDF viewer will always be readily available at your fingertips, enabling you to work and play efficiently wherever you may be.

This thingy is really expensive so I shouldn't be choosy. Second hand used is okay with me. In fact, I'm looking in Buy and Sell and found some of it at very cheap price but I'm not sure with the condition of the handheld. I came across with ruined-like casing but as the owner fend, its casing is available in the market and there's a variety of choices.

Hmn looks like I need more money for this one. Beh gusto ko nito!

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WTF!

You know nothing about me. We're just colleagues, working in the same company, under the same department and we share nothing aside from that. Guess you don't have the right to tell me that I've changed. Besides, think of it... don't I have the right to tell, you're unprofessional? We're both doing our duties and responsibilities. You made a commitment with me, so you should be responsible for that. Procrastinating is, yes, a sin. To our job! For Christ's sake!

I've been emotionally high this day. My Mom broke my heart as I phoned her. *sigh* I can do nothing about that. Ang hirap maging mahirap! I wanted to giver her all the wealth but I, myself, cannot feel the security in life. I got a job but it's not enough to pay the bills. When can I say these lines to the world..."Hey! I got not only a job but a CAREER and I just bought my Mom a house. I'm settling down and moving to a new comfy house and guess what...I'm sending my nephew and niece to college." Haayy...Ang sarap mangarap. Ang sarap tumulong pero kahit sarili ko nga di ko matulungan. If only I have money to send my nephew and niece to college, I will. If only I have the guts to work outside the country and seek for fortune. Haayy Fortunato nasan ka na?!

Real Girl
mutya buena

If I had one chance to
In my life again
I wouldn't make no changes
Now or way back when (yeah)
And if everything turns out
The way I hope it goes
But I cant wait to find out
What it is that God knows

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

And nothing's ever perfect
There's no guarantee
And if I knew the answers
It would put my mind at ease (no)
So I'll just keep on going
The way I've gone so far
And maybe I'll end up
Tryin' to catch a fallin star (yeah)

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

Baby this is who I am
Don't need you to understand
'Cause everything is right where it should be
It wont be long til you know about me,
'Cause I don't give a...
Even when I'm out of love
'Cause everythings just how it should be
And it wont be long till you know about me

love myself...

Well, I think it's about time for me to look after myself? I mean my health (am I healthy?), my personality (do I look good, not only to the eyes of my boyfriend), my well-being, my quality of life my satisfaction, my delight, my spirit. All of that, which I think I've neglected due to this fucking work-for-a-living dilemma.

I'm feeling pains all over my body, I want to see a doctor to answer tons of questions circling in my mind. I feel pain at my back bone and my nape's often killing me when I get up from bed in the morning. My face's sagging. I have big, dark eye bags that making me look like Morticia of Adam's family and pimples. Argh. Hate it. Pft.

So......to get over from these unpleasant things. I should:

1. stop smoking (and I just started now)
   
2. eat right (avoid skipping meals)
   
3. drink milk (I already bought 1 box of Anlene milk)
   
4. sleep early, sleep 8 hours a day.
5. exercise
6. maintain my facial rituals
7. To enrich my well-being, i should give quality time to myself. I missed watching movies at home.
   
8. and to make my soul, body and mind complete... always attend the Sunday mass and spare some time reading passages from the Bible.

Hmn. Hope I can do all of these.

hello?!

I have no interest of what you are going to get to satisfy your contentment in your own fucking business. It will not give me richness nor protection to my welfare. I'm happy with what I'm getting and trying to be contented of what life brings to me. I will not sacrifice my dignity in exchange to your fucking cents. So please, DON'T DRAG ME TO YOUR greediness.

Love? Think I got one.

8 months of passion without ecstatic shags!

Yeah, it's the 8th month since I got someone who dragged me to blissfulness, showed me the true meaning of life, offered his unconditional love and unaccountable sacrifices. Am I not thankful for that one? You can take everything from me but I will shed blood on my hands if you took the love I'm taking care of away from me.

I cannot say we're perfect as we have flaws in our relationship. We argue over petty things. Lies (specially on my side :D) are not new to us just to protect the tie. Good thing is, we never let every single fight pass the day without making up and apologizing to one another. We keep secrets to one another as we respect one's opinion as long as it doesn't affect the good flow of the relationship. We believe in each other. We trust each other and as might be expected, we love each other.

Good thing I got love and I'll work to make it last.

Dig it!

My mind's crammed with thinkings dissembling my self-esteem. I feel numb. I'm immune to the system. My mind's no longer functioning. What will be the next move? Will I continue to contend my opinions, suggestions, beliefs? I once felt lost but there's someone beside me that's keep on holding me up. "Don't think that you're alone. You're fight is my fight. Be with me and trust in Him". I lay everything in Him. "Dear Lord, You built this body and You're the only One who can bring it down. I trust my life in you".

He freed me with tangled thinkings. I opened my mind as well as my heart. I set my mind. You can't always get what you want. Yeah, right! Last day I came across with a colleague's blog and read her post which I can relate, that's why this song's always playing to my music player.

And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse"
Sing it to me now...

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes
well you just might find
You get what you need

You can't always get what you want even if you tried hard. I once proven it. I grew up in a belief that I can always get what I want. I worked with it. I played with it. I lived with it. But it vanished. It's like there's a small voice whispering at the back of my ear, "hey wake up! accept it! live with it! face the reality!" Even you sacrifice your own happiness, security and dignity. There's always a fight that you never win nor lose but you acquired something that will help you in a living and you will start to move on.


And now, I'm dealing with it but I will no longer let my happiness devour. Think smart and move fast.


And so much of that. While we were surfing with the vintage Nintendo games last night coz me and the boyfriend had a deal with the title of the old Nintendo game that can have 100 lives by pressing the combination of the controls, I came up with this lingeries that's pretty hot. Check it out!

Guys, if you ever find a girl wearing this, marry her!

I miss my Daddy

When I heard this song...it shot me to the heart. I really miss my Daddy. How I wish he's here, caring us, comforting us, LECTURING me and loving us. Ho-hum...






I remember
When you used to take me on a bike ride every day on the bayou
(Remember that? We were inseparable?)
And I remember when you could do no wrong
You come home from work
And I jump in your arms when I saw you
(I was so excited)
I was so happy
(So happy to see you so happy to see you)
To see you
Ooh

Because you loved me
I overcome
And I'm so proud of what you've become
You've given me such security
No matter what mistakes I make you're there for me
You cure my disappointments and u heal my pain
You understood my biz and you protected me
I treasure every year in place a comemory
And thats why I want my unborn son
To be like my daddy
I want my husband to be like my daddy
There is no one else like my daddy
And I thank you for lovin me
(daddy daddy daddy)

I still remember the expression your face when you found out
I'd been on a date and had a boyfriend
(my first boyfriend, you shoulda seen your face)
I still remember I called you cryin
cuz of my tattoo coulda said "Beyonc I told Ya"
So instead you said you'd get one too
(You and my momma said yall'd get one just like mine)
Words cant express my boundless gratitude for you
I appreciate what you do oh
You've given me tight security
No matter what mistakes I know you're there for me
Cute my disappointments and heal my pain
You understood by biz and you protected me
I treasure every extraordinary memory
that's why

I want my unborn son
To be like my daddy
I want my husband to be like my daddy
There is no one else like my daddy
And I thank you (thank you) for lovin me

Even if a man broke my heart today
No matter how much pain I'm in I would be ok
Cuz I got a man in my life that can't be replaced
His love is unconditional
It won't go away
And I know I'm lucky (lucky)
Know it aint easy
Men? who take care of their responsibilities
Love is overwhelming
??
Stop a tear from falling
I love you so much daddy

Thank you
You've done so much for me
I love you,
Daddy

I'm so emotional daddy
Every time I think of you
I get emotional daddy
Every time I think of you
There is no one else like my daddy
No one will replace my daddy
Daddy daddy daddy daddy

I really miss you Daddy.

Puerto Invasion

As a reward to ourselves from those long tiring days of work, me and the boyfriend pushed to Puerto Galera, Oriental Mindoro. Weeee. Pity to say but that was our first time to be at the place. We didn't even have any idea how to get there. Poor, innocent fellas. Hehe. I took charge of organizing the journey. I browsed the WWW to look for potential hotels, resorts, and whatever you may call it. Fortunately, I found this Blue Crystal Beach Resort which I guessed was a cool and relaxing place to spend the holiday.

We left the city in a bus at around 7AM bound to Batangas Pier. We brought all necessary thingy like medicines, alcohol, sunblock, music players, digital cameras, water and prepared our food for the long trip. We brought sandwiches with us which we both prepared at their house the night before we left.

After two and half hours we had our feet at the port of Batangas City and we looked like dumbass peasants storming at the entryway of the piled ticket booths. We bought the tickets costing us PHP 360. Fuck the lady at the booth giving us the wrong gate number. We fought the big crowd at Gate 3 just to get to the boarding area when the guard barked on us that the tickets we're holding are for Gate 2. Fuck! I almost lost my arms just to get outside.

That was my first time to ride in a ferry boat and I cursed boarding on it. The improvised platform scared me, I was shaking as I climbed onto it.

We were a bit disappointed when we reached the beach resort. The place's too quiet, peaceful as it was. No white sand, no ladies in two-piece's, the food were so expensive, no banging sound of stereos from bars, no LIFE! Pfft. But the amenities they offered were convincing and paid the price. The suite we got have fridge, aircon, kitchen, vault, tub, TV, comfy bed and cabinets. Not bad.

We just wandered around and feel the soothing place.

The next morning, after breakfast, we went to White Beach and rent a tricycle for PHP 400 back and forth. We had no choice but to bite it kesa naman tumunganga kami maghapon sa suite. Anyhow, we enjoy the ride. The roads were elevated stiff and rocky. Para kaming nasa roller coaster. Hehe.

At the beach, we were eyeing for sexy, voluptuous ladies in bikinis but guess we're expecting too much. Haha. Only one american gal captured the attention of the mass and she suddenly wrapped her body with a towel when she felt the lustful eyes around her, including me. Wahehe.

We wanted to try the banana boat but when these words spilled out from one of the crews ("Okay lang ma'am kahit di kayo marunong lumangoy. May life vest naman po. Kahit una ulo nyo sa tubig, aangat pa din kayo") Watda! No, thanks! But we will surely try it when we go back next year or maybe to Bora. Hehe.

I was so stupid. I didn't bring extra money coz I was relying on ATM. All I know ATMs are accessible everywhere. Ang tanga ko. Nasa probinysa pala kami. At di lang probinsya. Probinsyang probinsya. There's only one ATM in one rural bank at the town and unfortunately it has no power. Argh. So we went really budget that time. No henna, no souvenirs, no lunch. Haha!

And when we reckoned all our expenses and the money left from the boyfriend's wallet, a thousand bill will be left. Hooray! We can order what we want for dinner. Hehe. We filled our tummy with siszzling beef tenderloin steak.

And at our last day, I spoke to the gals at the next door and found out that they were also looking for ATM the other day. They paid the tricycle PHP 1000 just to get to Katiklan. Ang mahal grabe! They also went to White Beach and saw us. And they only came accross of that resort in the internet. Wekwek.

Anyhow, we came back home safe with the memories of that place kept in us.