Is it the end of an era?

Here’s another story of my life that I felt hanging.

I woke up early this morning forgotten the angst I had the other night. He went to his choir friends last night and went home almost too late. I didn’t argue with him coz it will also pass. Okay. The next morning, as I open my eyes, I hastily yanked my cellphone and checked for his msgs. And I was never wrong; in fact he was calling me. I was about to answer him but the ringing stopped so I just replied to his txt msg. So the issue last night was over. I told him that I’m okay and we will go out at around 2PM to fetch this thingy. Yeah. I just bought this laptop from a nice woman and I’m so lucky to buy it at a very cheap price. Everything went well. We saw this book stand in the mall that was on sale. I persuaded him to buy me a book using my charm. (As I’m always doing.) And yes, everything was okay. We went home very excited with my new laptop.

At home, he checked the unit and pause a little to rest before have our dinner. We were lying on bed while I was reading the book he bought to him. Then suddenly he brought up a topic. He remembered the letter he saw in my bag last Friday while he was searching for my stolen money. I didn’t expect that he will sneakily read it. Then he asked me what it is all about. He pushed me to tell the truth; well the truth is I wrote it for him few days ago. It’s all about my feeling of being neglected. The sweetness he had with me in the youth of our relationship. The sweetness I’m longing. The sentiments of a woman to his man. In ten months of our relationship, I never received a single rose from him. The act of sweetness of a man to his woman. Well, let’s say that he’s really not that type and I should accept him as he is. I shouldn’t change him that’s why that letter didn’t reach him. But he pushed me to tell what‘s in the letter. He brought it up. And my feeling turned back. I brought back the past. The instance I saw him with full of joy in his eyes when he saw that shop where he bought his present for his ex. The joy I never saw to him in our ten months of relationship. I felt bitter. Yes I did. That’s why these words spilled out to my tongue. “Do you really love me or you just love the idea of me?” He blew to madness. He punched the walls and the door and yell outside my room. I pulled him inside to avoid scandal. But he was pushing me away. He held my arms and hardly punches to his head. Ho-hum. He’s hurting me. He went out and wore his shoes. I thought he will leave so I shut the door and turned off the light. He opened it using his duplicate key and confronted me. Are we not going to eat? (Um…I thought you will going to leave.) I didn’t answer nor move. He sat and talk and talk and talk. Blah blah blah. Then the last piece of patience in me broke up. I shouted at him. Then he left, leaving these final words; “We will never get over this thing. We will never understand each other. You’re expecting too much from me which I think I can no longer give. I better leave before I can do anything that I’ll regret.”

I thought it was over. I cannot believe. I felt numb. Is it really over? Did he make his final decision? I went out to buy food with thoughts hanging in my head. I went to Tito Jer and burst out in crying. I lost my appetite. I cannot eat. I want to think. I want to know the real score. Is it really over? So I texted him. “I’m not expecting anything from you. If you insist that you will never reach my expectations, then I’m sorry. It’s your decision.” He called out and we spoke but he was still crying and shouting to madness. I told him to cool down and so he was to me. We ended up hanging. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Hope everything will be settled. I will sleep now with disturbing thoughts. Wish me good luck.