Reborn

New environment, new people, new work, new place…everything leads to loneliness. I started last Monday (September 3, 2007) to my new work in Cubao. I had a hard time adjusting to my new working place. Aside from being far to my boarding house, the type of transportation I took was a pain in ass. Here’s my new routine. I will wake up at 6am, prepare and leave at 7:15am. At Guadalupe Ilalim, I will walk in the circular sidewalk going to MRT station. Fall in line to the entrance for bag inspection and run to the rear for the women’s section. It will only take me 20 mins to get to Cubao station. Buy a doughnut and start walking 1km from the station to our office while grabbing a bite per step. Ho-hum. Tedious isn’t it? But then, I wasn’t bothered by the pain it was giving me instead I offer every step I take to my love ones and especially to the One Above who gave me another chance.

The days passed were so boring. I don’t have workstation yet. I haven’t enrolled yet. So I was just staring at them while they were so busy with their work but as they told me, they also experienced what I am experiencing now. One of them even told me that it took him four days gaping at his colleagues, doing nothing. The work is fine. Easy as I can see.

What’s making me so lonely is having been apart from my behalf. Being far from him tears my heart. Last night I cried missing him a lot. Hindi ako sanay na mawalay ng matagal sa kanya. Even a day. We’ve been together for four years and three months since we work at MRM. At biglang magkakahiwalay na lang because of my moved from work. Di ko talaga kaya. Nasanay ako na kasama sya lagi. Everyday that God made, we’re together. Pagpasok sa office, lunch break, snack break at pag-uwi. Namimiss ko yung naglalakad kami sa Makati Ave. dalawa habang nag-aasaran. Sabay kakain tas ihahatid nya ako dito sa house. Minsan tumatambay pa sya ditto para makipagkwentuhan pa sa akin. Namimiss ko yun ng sobra. 2 days pa lang pero sobrang namimiss ko. Di ko talaga kaya malayo sa mahal ko. Naiisip ko tuloy, what if I ask him to marry me. Ako na yung magtatanong o magpropropose para magkasama na kami lagi. Wala na talagang iwanan. But I know he has his own dreams that he wants to achieve and I have a responsibility with my Mom and sister. Pero sobrang nalulungkot ako. Hindi ko kaya yung kalungkutan. Kanina sa jeep pauwi, nadaaanan ko yung place na lagi naming pinagaabangan ng jeep pauwi. Corner Makati Ave. J. P. Rizal. Dun sa kanto na yun lagi kami nagaasaran. Sampalan, kurutan, tulakan. Nung dumaan yung jeep na sinasakyan ko kanina, di napigilang tumulo ng luha ko. Until now while doing this journal, I can’t stop my tears from falling. I miss him so much. We keep on texting each other. Updating each other. Pero iba pa rin yung kasama mo sya. Nafifeel mo yung care and love nya. Haaayy. Sabi ng kuya Michael ko “Insan isipin mong magbuti ang pag-aasawa. Hindi pwedeng isoli yan. Make sure na sya na talaga”. When I read his text message, I just thought, he’s really the one. I want to marry him and be with him for the rest of my life. 

Last night nandito sya. Umiyak ako ng todo sa kanya. Hagulgol ako ng todo. Sobrang namiss ko sya but we need to be tough. Pagsubok lang yan. Kakayanin namin to. Pasasaan ba’t magiging maligaya din kaming dalawa with our love ones.

He’s on his way to UST hospital now. He will visit Tita. Nagpaconfine daw kasi nahihilo at mababa ang BP. Gusto ko sana sya samahan. Gusto ko din dumalaw kaso I have work tomorrow. I need to sleep early to be able to regain from the past nights’ lack of sleep. I think I should just end this and prepare for sleep. Pray for our safetiness and for my peace of mind. =)